Leaving a mark

Secret place

2011-12-05T01:00:00.002-06:00

A young women, seeking that which reaches the depths of who she is and satisfies every longing, every desire is found kneeling at the base of a tree. She is in clothes that are tattered and torn from all of life's messes, she's dirty from the things people have thrown at her, her heart if hurt and in need of holding. You see she's been walking through life, trying to carry the pieces of her life on her own. Little did she know that they weren't her's to carry alone. Till one day she was introduced to someone who quickly became her friend, her help in time of need and the one who showed her a love worth living for. Soon she became busy trying to impress her friend and bless her friend and stopped spending as much time with together. And she found herself longing once again and unfulfilled. Until one day her friend took her to a secret place in the middle of the pasture where a single tree grew strong and big. He friend soon told her of a life worth living, one that is fulfilling, that satisfies and gives a purpose. But most importantly that you'll never be alone. You see this young women more often times than not felt as if she didn't belong, as if she were an outsider not worthy of love or companionship. Her friend had shown her that there is LIFE in the midst of all this darkness. Told her stories of His love for her, danced with her and sung over her. Wiped all her tears and picked her up when she fell... and ever since then she comes, humbled to be able to be in the presence of her Savior, Friend and Father... God.

May we never forget that we are so blessed to be able to enter his courts, to enter the holy of hollies without ever leaving our house. For Jesus Christ came to save once and for all. For sin entered the world through one man, and MANY are saved from their sin by ONE man, Jesus Christ. He longs to spend time with us. He is everything we need. We are BLESSED to live in a time when WE ourselves can enter into his presence and not be struck dead because of our sin. When Jesus died and rose again the veil was torn and there is no longer a need for us to go to the high priest so he can enter the Lord's presence. WE GET TO!!!! What a beautiful thing!!! We can walk everyday in HIS presence. So let's have a Mary heart and sit in his presence worshiping and learning all he has for us!!!!

Beautiful things... when you least expect it

2011-12-05T00:38:00.002-06:00

So many scenes come to mind when I hear the word beautiful, such as a thunderstorm in the middle of the night when your on a balcony with close friends in a different country, snow falling gently through the night as you worship the living God or stargazing on a dock in the middle of nowhere. Such beauty that God has created for us to enjoy. These moments tend to happen when we least expect them... and his creation... WORSHIPS HIM!!!! WOW

But what about the people in your life?

A best friend who at one point you weren't sure if you were going to make it another day... a moment when you realize you let each other down and the hurt that comes from it... yet grace is shown and God reunites you even stronger than before. To watch a broken girl turn into a beautiful woman of God who is now a mentor to so many and she doesn't even know it yet. A friend who when you first met was a broken and hurt mess, longing for real love, unconditional, life changing love. Through the years you SEE God transform her into a woman who is so BEAUTIFUL you sometimes have to look twice to believe what you see. A girl who was once so shy and insecure she wouldn't even speak when a stranger sat on her and introduced herself... so broken and hurt she didn't even trust herself and now... she's seeing her dreams come true and is walking in a relationship with God that she could never have dreamed of all those years ago. These three women... all in need of Jesus. All like the Samaritan women and the women who doesn't have much strength left, but uses everything she has left to reach the edge of the Christ's cloak, for if she can just touch the hem surely her life will change. A girl who has the potential of Esther, Ruth, Diane, Rachel and Mary. To see what Christ the Lord has done in renewing these women's lives, molding them and healing them is a miracle, a gift that can never be forgotten or taken away. You see these women are you and me, they are every women... they had women who mentored them and showed them Jesus... now it's our turn... so here we go... we are weak and in need of more of HIM... but by HIM and through HIM all things are possible.

So lets seek out the beauty in people, lets chase God and love him with all we are. Lets run this race strong to the end... let us seek justice, love mercy and walk humbly with our God... let us never forget from that which we came and that it's by grace through faith that we've gotten this for... lets never forget it's not about us... let us press on to know that we are running a race to win the prize!

Beauty from ashes...

we've all been there...

Cold Weather

2011-10-17T23:58:00.002-05:00

Tonight the weather changes, the cold air rushes in and as I step outside my breath is almost taken away. O how I enjoy this weather, it quite and peaceful and reminds me of how much I need Jesus. I love to sit and have deep conversations over a hot tea with close friends at times like these. If only they all lived a little closer. But, I do want to change this. I miss having lots of good friends nearby. I've recently gotten over being sick, but while confined to the bed, 20 hours of sleep a day and a few too many Law and Order: SVU episodes, I can't help but be thankful. We are so blessed.

School keeps me busy and work is alright. But when I just stop, turn off the music and listen I find much joy. And also a longing for so much more of who God is. I want to know him and for him to know me. I think of all the kids here in Amarillo and Canyon who are orphans and just want a family. How if I could I'd buy a house big enough for us all and adopt them, but I can't for many reasons, so instead I ask God to do his work and to find these children families, but most of all that they'd know him, for he is a father to the fatherless, and o how wonderful of a Father he is!!!

My oldest brother and his wife are having a child and I can't hardly contain myself. He's coming to meet us in February, Callen Adonias Duncan. Meaning: Strong warrior, The Lord is my God. What joy a child brings to a family. I remember when Logan and Benjamin were born, o the sweet joys they have been and I hope our family just continues to grow.

Thinking of this, it makes me long for a family of my own, it's a longing that goes to the core of who I am, and in a way it scares me. I doubt sometimes if this will ever occur or if it's just a far away dream that will never come true. But one thing I do know is the Lord is good!!! And He is holy and righteous and so in Him I place my trust. And hopefully one day a dream will come true.

Hosea 6:1-3

-this verse always remains in my heart.

Ephesians 3:19-21

¹⁹ and to know ^(A)the love of Christ which ^(B)surpasses knowledge, that you may be ^(C)filled up to all the ^(D)fullness of God.

²⁰ ^(E)Now to Him who is ^(F)able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, ^(G)according to the power that works within us, ²¹ ^(H)to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations ^[a]forever and ever. Amen.

How amazing it is to have God who knows no impossibility and has made us for relationship with him!!! And his heart for all the peoples of the earth is to know him and be known by him! And so... His will be done, not ours, but his!

I love you Jesus!!

P.S. You all should check out the song Esther by Esterlyn.... it's a song thats been on my mind so much...it's very much what I want to see done in the lives of God's precious and sweet children...

Welling thirst for Living water

2011-10-03T23:15:00.002-05:00

There is a church in town that displays witty sayings on there marquee, but this week, it's simple and o so truthful.

"Seasons change, God doesn't"

Through all of life, Abba has been the same. He's never wavered from any part of himself. He has always spoken truth, always loved, always been just, always been good and always unfathomable. This past week has been filled with it's own worries, and yet I rest in His peace. As Jesus states in John 16 "I have spoken these things to you, that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have tribulation, but take heart, for I have overcome the world."

Wow!!!

But overall these past couple weeks, I've learned and I've seen how disgusting I am. That this sin, which I fight with day in and day out, is muck. It's as filthy rags, even as used menstrual products. And who wants to be around that. Yet we all sin and all lay here in this state. What is it going to take for me to realize that no matter what Abba is here, with me? Jesus has taken this sin away and I am free from this. Well let me tell you...

There is a woman I feel like I can relate to in the Bible. She is by no means what we would consider a "wholesome" or "beautiful" woman. She is the topic of the gossip in town. She is the one who walks with shame, she avoids people, keeps her head down and would have the scarlet letter shining above her as a neon sign. She's made some mistakes and has even more regrets. Yet here she is in the presence of the Messiah, and she doesn't even know it. Jesus asks if he can have a drink of water from her cup... wow... there are just a few things wrong with this picture:

1. She is a Samaritan woman

2. Jesus is a Jewish man

3. Jesus asked to take a drink from her cup, which according to the law, would make him ceremoniously unclean

4. She has had 5 husbands and currently lives with a man who uses her

5. They are talking to one another in a public place

Yet Jesus loves her. Confronts her and lets her know He is I Am. This is only one of two times Jesus ever takes on the name Messiah. What does she need more than anything... the Messiah. So here her life is changed forever.

May we all realize and come to this point in our lives. When we hunger for the living water, and not drink from the wells of this world to be satisfied. May we see our filth and thank God for his redemption of our lives. May your life and mine be changed by the conversation with Jesus. Though short, it pierces to the depths of who we are.

So here I'm trading these rags for riches. To live a life set a part. Looking forward to the day, that there are no more tears of sorrow, and to be in the very presence of the Messiah. Abba, friend and Lord.

New Beginings

2011-08-19T18:57:00.002-05:00

Today has been a wonderful day, though it's definitely had its refining moments. I am very glad to be in the place that I am today. It's a new begining in a very familiar place. Since moving back to West Texas life has been very different than in the city. Although I have enjoyed it very much so! Today is a day of change. A day of new beginings. Something I once dreaded with every fiber of my being. But am so thankful to be able to sit at the foot of the cross, where the ground is level.
Self control and self discipline are big changes that have come in to store as well as just taking advantage of every breath that God has so graciously given.
I am so very thankful for this place. I am humbled by His goodness.

One step at a time

2011-06-10T17:30:00.000-05:00

Love is real. It is not just some fairytale that we girls dream of our whole lives only to be left disappointed and broken. Love is a reality that captures hearts, draws people together and changes lives. Love does not leave you out in the cold only to be the pray of the enemy. Love protects, defends, fights for and cherishes those he loves. True love of a man comes from God the Father. Love is unconditional. Love has no limits or boundaries, it can stretch across oceans and reach down to the core of who you are.

Love is patient and kind. It is not envious, boastful or proud. It seeks to lift up one another. Love does not tear down, hurt or destroy. Love builds up, lifts up and heals wounds.

For a man to truly love a woman, he must first be with God.

For God is love.

He gives love to us and then love pours out to others.

Love is beautiful!

This is a wonderful thing to experience.

I’m currently learning a lot about how Christ loves the church.

Simply because someone is showing me this kind of love.

Thank you Jesus for this great love you give!!!

Thank you mentors and friends who have always told me about this and yet I was unsure. Well, I’m not anymore. :D

Love is not just a fairytale or far away dream, it’s real and it’s happening before my very eyes!

A love that's unending

2011-06-05T22:11:00.004-05:00

As I looked into their eyes, the hopelessness broke in to the core of my very being. Their efforts spent striving to simply survive. They wanted something more, but knew of nothing that truly lasts. Many of

them had been abandoned or their family simply died ad they were the only ones left. Where had the hope gone? Where was God when this happened? How could so many people, so many children live in such extreme poverty? God, why haven't they heard of you? Why don't they know your love like we do?

So many questions, and so few answers. The children laughed and played with us and the adults cried and laughed with us, and taught us all so much! Throughout my time in Ethiopia I saw everything from complete hopelessness to complete joy in extreme poverty and among the fortunate. The faces, the names their longing to be loved is forever etched in my mind.

I wish you could have been with me at the soup kitchen as I laughed and hugged and received hugs from the street beggars, of all ages, mostly older men. Most of them were crippled and hungry and needing of life everlasting, of Jesus our Savior. What a blessing it was to be with them, and serve them. My life is forever changed because of what God is doing in Ethiopia.

I'm back here at home, and striving to keep the same passion alive and to love just as much and whole heartedly. It's nice to be with family, but honestly I see why God has called us to the ends of the earth, even if it means leaving my family behind and just obeying.

So for now, I'm simply going to obey. One day at a time. With pleasure and joy. I'll pick up my cross and follow Christ daily. What does that look like here? What is it supposed to look like? Well I guess I'll find out one day at a time.

I am going back in December for over a month to Ethiopia. And for that trip I am beyond excited, and seeking Jesus whole-heartedly. For I know it won't be easy living thier for those almost 6 weeks, but I know that everyday my God will move, and that he will equip us. And every night when we lay down our heads we will thank God for what he is doing and for bringing us to Ethiopia.

I never thought I would fall in love with a people so quickly, but honestly, I can't get them off my mind or stop praying for them. I love them!!!!!

Our drivers, translators, and staff of the guest home are wonderful and so encouraging! I look forward to working with them again soon!

Please pray for Ethiopia, as most of the people have not heard the true gospel, especially outside of Addis. They are a beautiful people!!!

Gospel, prayer, storms and Perseverence

2011-04-25T21:32:00.002-05:00

Gospel: God the Father knew that we needed a Savior. So he sent us his son, Christ Jesus. Jesus, teacher, taught us, showed us and revealed to us the mystery, TRUTH was laid out for all to understand. Christ, innocent and pure, was drenched in our sin and paid our price. Beaten, bruised, broken, torn, pierced... for you and me. BUT the cross isn't the end.... HE ROSE FROM THE GRAVE!!! Death could not defeat him and Satan couldn't hold him!!! Praise the Lord... Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice so we could have life!!!!

Prayer: Amazing things happen when we pray! I'm still amazed by this!! Prayer is way more powerful than we (at least i) give it. Prayer moves God to take action... isn't this amazing... that we can move on God's heart... if you don't believe it look in the old Testament, it's everywhere! From Esther, Abram, Noah to Jeremiah, Boaz, Isaiah, Micah.... and so many more... look in the New Testament.... Jesus prays for you!!! For you to be one with Him and that we, as the body of Christ would be one. How amazing!!!!

Storms: Physical storms, I love for their majesty that God displays, just watch as they form, the lightening sparks, thunder rolls and the rain pours!!! Hosea 6:1-3 is what I think of everytime!!! Spiritual storms, are hard, not fun and sometimes discouraging. "...But take heart for I have overcome the world"-John 16:33. While we may not see the purpose then, God is with us, and hindsight is 20/20. Praise the Lord in times of tribulation!!!! This I am learning, and I must say, it not only changes your attitude, but you are strengthened, just like the Psalmist David says, "The joy of the Lord is my strength..."

Perseverence:

1. A guy I work with was in a terrible accident, but God brought him through. Now he encourages everyone ALL the time! He is a joy to be around and such a huge blessing! Even though everyday he suffers in great pain due to his accident, he is always thankful to the Lord and tells everyone how much God loves them! He always puts a smile on everyone's face! I pray that one day I will be like that!

2. A man lost his wife in a car accident back around Christmas. Although I did not know him before, I did know his wife from a few encounters I had with her. She was loving and shone the light of Christ, her very presence brought God's love. He is not bitter, but thankful for his children that have lived, including his then unborn son. I was fundraising for a mission trip that I go on in May... he brought his kids and bought cupcakes for them... my brief encounter with him and his donation spoke more to me of God's love and provision and peace than anything else that happened that day. Thank you sir for seeking God, even when it seem impossible to continue on. Your love for your family and God have impacted me deeply!!!

I want to be have the prayer life of Esther, the faith of Noah, the heart like David and Paul's devotion and Peter's zeal.... all pieces that show different attributes of our risen Savior...

till next time....

I love you all more than you know!!!

A journey of FAITH... a whole new meaning

2011-04-17T12:50:00.002-05:00

For this semester I've been raising funds to go to Ethiopia for a missions trip. Trip cost: ~2800. A few days ago I had no idea how any of this was going to come together. I knew that God would supply and that the hard work would pay off in the end. I've been praying fervently for this trip as well as that the finances would come in. So I gave the rest to God.

You see for the past few months (probably more like year) God has been teaching me what faith is and what it looks like, while this is an answer to prayer, I can't say it's what I expected by any means. To have full faith is not easy, it is not always fun, nor is it comfortable. A picture of faith that I can't seem to get out of my head is of Noah building an arc, on dry land, loading tons of animals in it two by two and never having seen rain before. But know that God does what he says he will do. Soon enough (hundreds of years later) the boat is loaded and down come the rains... forty whole day and nights... over a month (do you realize how much time that is for us?) And then the rains cease and a rainbow comes out, the promise, God will never destroy the earth by a flood again. Amazing how obedient and faithful Noah was. How hard it must have been to do what he did! But Noah had faith, knowing that God does what he says he will, so it's better to be obedient, even if you don't understand what is going to happen, even if you DON'T KNOW AT ALL.

This is what I've been learning so much of recently. You see, be faithful and obedient, trust God. He keeps his word. Even when we mess up, he's there to pick us back up again...

So on for the amazing news of provisions that God has been doing over the past 3 days...

1> Friday night, my family and I went to the car club cookout in town, where my Dad(stepdad) talked to a guy about donating money to the mission trip... so I talked to the guys and told them what was going on... I honestly expected no more than 100 dollars... well God blew me away using these guys... they've donated $500 for my missions trip! AMAZING!!!!

2> One of the guys there is also going to write a personal check for me on Tuesday... for an amount I do not know yet, but I know that God is providing!!!

3>Today at church we had a bake sale and an amazing group of men, women and children donated 675.25 for the trip. How amazing is that!!!

GOD is faithful... He does what he says he is going to do... trust him!!!

I'm learning to for sure!!!

Love always, simply love

Lys

What does love really mean?

2011-04-13T20:51:00.002-05:00

JJ Heller sings this song... the chorus goes like this

Who will love me for me

Not for what I have done or for what I will become

Who will love me for me

Cause nobody has shown me

What love really means

I really like this song because it reminds me of a place that I once was at, and a place that so many people are at now. It inspires me to run hard after God, and pray that people experience His love through me. Not by my own doing, but by Christ in me.

I wonder sometimes if there is someone who is just waiting to hear that they are loved unconditionally, without holding back and long to know this love. Then I'm reminded that this is something we all seek and all long for. Only Christ Jesus can give us this beautiful gift! Himself. But o how my heart breaks for those who don't know his love, and see why God uses us to show people his love.

It is by our love for one another that others will know Christ.

I pray to know the full understanding of that verse and to live it out everyday!

I've also been processing a lot about different things in my life and I can't help but sing and shout for what God is doing! For what he has done, but most of all for who he is!

God is mighty to save, Christ Jesus our savior, Holy Spirit dwells within us, completely undeserving, yet God lives with us. I am so very thankful for this. Though Christ is not walking this earth with us right now like he once did, the Holy Spirit is always with us. How comforting this is!!

Love always!

Lys

Hosanna in the Highest

2011-04-08T10:18:00.002-05:00

I just got off the phone not too long ago with TMM GE and I have been ticketed for Ethiopia.

I can't help but sing his praises!

HOSANNA IN THE HIGHEST!

A little girl gets a dream come true... but it's not for me, it's for God's glory!!!!

Love always...

Lys

All is well, with my soul

2011-04-07T22:42:00.002-05:00

When peace like a river attendeth my way

When sorrows like sea billows roll

Whatever my lot

Thou hast me to say

IT IS WELL
IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL

This song has been on my mind all day. I couldn't help but to sing it. As I was at work today, I kept singing and pondering different things in my life right now.

Over the year a lot has happened. I have had many emotional and spiritual lows, as well as numbness. Yet the Lord has kept me alive(spiritually) and my heart yearning for Him, even when I had no idea what to do in order to seek after Him. Through some rough situations, the Lord my God protected, provided and sustained me. I knew He was the one taking care of my every need, every time I looked at my bank account showed me and reminded me HE IS FAITHFUL, even when we are unfaithful(2 Timothy)

My heart breaks for children without families, or in broken families. It breaks for women who have been enslaved and sold for a price so someone can be temporarily satisfied physically. It breaks for those who don't know Jesus, and don't know His amazing love. I long for justice and yet I long for people to know Christ more. Love saved us from ourselves, when we could not save us(and we still can't.) God's love showed me his tangibility when we can't tangibly touch him. O how so many are stuck in darkness and do not know. But JESUS lives! His truth is living and active. He is patient, so that all may have a chance to come to know him(John). By faith we stand in confidence of this(Hebrews 11) and take each step even when we don't know the outcome.

Noah built the arc, out of holy fear of God. He probably never saw rain, but he knew God does what he promises. So came the flood and a new beginning(Hebrews 11)(Genesis). So why do so many times I want the answer before the step is taken? I think for me it is assuredness, fear that it won't work out. But God is God. And He is everything I need.

So last year a sweet friend offered to buy me a plane ticket to Rome for a missions trip, I had gotten a few friends and we were preparing to buy the tickets. And a sudden almost shout shook my body(not a literal shout, more like God getting my attention hard core) and I knew it wasn't time yet. So the trip to Rome has been postponed till further notice. My heart longed so bad to go and minister to the gypsies and hopefully be used by God to plant seeds in lives, for Him to transform them. But all my dreams came crashing down, while it was really hard, I came through. I knew God had a purpose and I had to trust Him.

Then most recently I knew, I just knew that Ethiopia was where I was supposed to go this May, especially since it was everything that my heart breaks for, so I started raising funds, but I am currently in limbo of whether I will be able to be ticketed, I won't know till tomorrow morning. I need $2,000 and we were supposed to meet the 50% deadline Wednesday to be ticketed. I hope that my rep is able to force my ticket through so I can finish raising the funds. But everything is up in the air right now. The longing is so strong and fierce to go. To go spread God's word. Share his love with people.

I know this is selfish but I feel like a little girl whose dreams will never come true, no matter what. I have so many doubts coming up and so many questions. Yet peace I have for I know, I know God is faithful, and his plan is greater than anything I could ever imagine. It's not about me, or about what I want. It is about God. It is about God who is to be praised and glorified always. He is worthy of all praise and honor. So I sing

The more I seek you

The more I find you

The more I love you

I want to sit at your feet

Drink from the cup in your hands

Lay back against you and breathe

Feel your heart beat

Your love is so deep

It's more than I can stand

I melt in your peace

It's overwhelming

I know God is faithful. And so it is Him I seek. To see Him glorified. He is worthy of praise. I trust him. He is all I need. And with Jesus I have all I need.

To God be the glory forever and ever, Amen.

A wife and a mom...

2011-03-16T21:23:00.002-05:00

Today was spent cleaning, cooking and visiting with an old friend. It was a beautiful day today and the sunrise was breathtaking. I am ever grateful for my family. My parents love me a lot, even though a lot of times I haven't deserved it and they bless me a lot as well. My family is tight knit and good at taking care of each other. For this I am extremely blessed.

While doing things around the house today I couldn't help but think how much I want a family of my own. To serve my husband, to spend the rest of my life with my best friend, through thick and thin. To be a part of raising children and teaching them in the way they should go... towards Jesus and whatever he has for them. To serve God with my husband forever.

It's every girls dream to have the perfect life. But you know I don't want the perfect life, I want the life that God has for us. The life that may be filled with joy as well as hardship. But no matter what God is our strength.

I am heading to Ethiopia here in a few months and I am stoked. You see I get to take the gospel to them and be a part of what God is doing there. That is what I've always wanted to do, and have been blessed to live out this dream thus far. In Ethiopia we get the opportunity to work with orphans, widows and former prostitutes. For this I am extremely blessed. Please pray for my team and myself and we prepare to go. :D

May you see how blessed you are and how much the Father has taken care of you. He loves you.

He is just and merciful.

Love Always,

Alyssa

Even Jesus cried

2011-03-14T22:52:00.002-05:00

Hello,

It's been so long. It's been an interesting journey these last few months. Through some different circumstances I allowed myself to become numb to all things around me because it was simply easier. Today I am not the same person I was even at Christmas. The Lord has done a great work in my heart. I often have so many emotions going through me that I just cry. And tears at first were very few and not very welcomed. After taking it to the Lord I've seen and realized it had been over a year since I had let a tear come down my face, even when one of my long time friends died, only in her twenties.

Today as I was processing a lot in my head and seeking the Lord. I've cried a good amount and as a sweet friend told me... "it's OK, even Jesus cried." Not only did he cry... he wept till blood came down. Why? He knew he had to pay the price of sin (which is death, a brutal death), one that we each should have had to pay, but thanks to Jesus, we didn't. He loved us so much. And he wept. He also wept when Lazarus died, not because he was dead necessarily but he knew what pain that Mary and Martha were going through and their pain panged him. How amazing that the God that created us is the same man who weeps when we weep.

I am thankful for tears this day!

God is faithful. And though I am nervous for this next season, I know He has a divine plan. So I trust Him. This day and every day. For my story he is writing.

Love always...

Lys

Pain like no other

2010-06-12T14:02:00.003-05:00

I have decided that there is no pain like that of a hurting heart. While physical pain whether broken bones, gashes, concussions, surgery and so on are really painful, it goes away relatively quick to be forgotten and only remembered on rare occasions. However the pain of a hurting heart leaves you with a lot of memories and lots of not so great experiences but you do come out of it eventually and you are often much stronger and better off, and I have seen and experienced the Father in those excruciating times and he has held me and been my strength through it all. So here I go again, and well, its Him that I seek and Him that I long for. It's him who heals this broken and hurting heart. :D If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have made it this far. So while my body still shakes and I can't seem to not be anxious it is Him who gives me peace and Him who carries me through.

So to the cross I look and to the Saviour I cling... for in Him I find all that I need.

Heart changes

2010-06-11T00:43:00.001-05:00

Today has been quite a day. But I am constantly reminded of His faithfulness. His enduring faithfulness. For in Him I can trust and I will not be let down. He holds my heart, no matter what state it is in He has it. His justice is so so beautiful. His mercy is SO great!!

Dear...

2010-06-03T09:37:00.002-05:00

Dear heart,

Thank you for letting me deal with some things you have held on to for a while. I know the hurt you have and I know it's not easy to face, but let's face it so that way a part of you doesn't die off.

You hold so much in you... let's not go this long again without examining your condition.

Dear mind,

Thank you for finally slowing down a little. I know you had a bit more time than usual yesterday to process what has been going on recently. Let's continue to process on a continual basis I'm not too fond of doing it all at once.

Dear body,

Thank you for enduring that 27 mile bike ride yesterday in 100 degree weather. And thank you for not sun burning!! Let's do it again on Friday!

Dear City of Arlington,

As you continue road construction I would greatly appreciate it if you also continued sidewalk construction. You see the sidewalks randomly disappear at time and leave me stranded in a big whole. And also where you do have sidewalks please fix the huge gaps and bumps. My bike and my body do not appreciate crashing and crashing hard especially when you are thrown to the street and there is oncoming traffic. Thanks

Dear today,

Let's have a wonderful day! Let's go on a few adventures and enjoy all that the Lord has given us this day!!!!

So much

2010-04-25T12:38:00.003-05:00

Why so often do we speak death over ourselves. We say things that in the end I think have more harm than saying nothing at all. Why so often do we pull each other down, even though so many times we aren't aware of yet affect so many people. I wish we could all just be more aware of these happenings. I know that these things happen, but why do you dwell there in your swimming pool of death. Why do you cling to the lies that have come to steal, kill and destroy? You know the truth, you know the Father, yet why oh why do you choose death over life? Do you not remember the promises of the Father?! YOU HAVE BEEN SET FREE!!!! You know that you have to choose truth over the lies. So many are praying for you, so many are fighting for you. Look around... the Lord has his hand over you, he is pursuing you so hard!!! I want to scream the truth at you, but I know I can't. I know there is still hope, so while there is still hope, I will pray for you. I will stay here and petition on your behalf.

O Jesus, be with us all! We need your grace and mercy, your justice and discipline.

COME DADDY COME PLEASE DADDY!!!!

Letters...

2010-04-20T23:10:00.002-05:00

So many letters have been written. A heart poured out on so many pages. So many to friends now and friends to come and people from the past. I've thought so often of sending them, and yet here they lay in my lap. I guess I'll keep them a little longer. Who knows maybe there will be a day when someone will need these letters I've written to them. I have given them so much thought and so much went into these letters and yet here they lay. Sometimes I think they were more for me than for them. If it were for these letters being written I would still have so much held within. But not now. I have found a freedom in writing to so many people.

Yet there is still that pile of letters, purposely written for someone yet to be known. Well... back to reading and writing....even more letters...

Another day at the Coffee Shop...

2010-04-14T10:03:00.002-05:00

Got to work and said the usual hellos and how are yous...

I'm standing at the register and well I take a deep breath and I stop breathing, my heart stops...

My mind races 90 to nothing... no it can't be...

I look up and my heart starts beating and I release the air I clinged so tightly to...

The sense of smell is strongly linked to memory...

The smell was that of my biological dad...

I am thankful it was not him.

I was then reading a book over my break concerning that Jabez and his prayer. I find it so intriguing how the writer of this book, specifically stopped to mention Jabez and his prayer. His name meant pain, it was a curse placed on his life from birth. But he completely changed it around. He was blessed by God. He was begging God to take away this curse and turn it completely around. So God did. He gave him what he asked for, because he believed in full faith that God would do it.

I'm sure we all have had curses, words of death, spoken over us. Don't accept them. Ask for God to take them away. You see no curse or word of death can withstand the light of the Glorious One.

Seasons

2010-04-07T19:10:00.002-05:00

A season of change...

The Lord is leading me to give over everything. It's currently reached the point of friendships. I have been led to really focus on my friendships here. I've held myself back from being as vulnerable as I need to be with the people I live with and not pouring myself out and being a servant like I so long to be. This has been slowly changing over the past few weeks. But this time of really focusing on the Lord and what he is doing in my life right now.

I'm so looking forward to the end result of this, just have mixed feelings about the whole process. So many emotions have started to come up and so many things have come to the surface. This whole refinement thing is hard, but so so so so sweet!

My heart hurts, but this is good because the Lord is moving and refining!

A heart left hurting...finds healing...

2010-03-24T01:13:00.002-05:00

A brief update...over the last month so much has happened that I can't even really begin to describe, but I am now in a new house and everything works and is running! :D

So a few months ago in January a friend of mine came into town and dropped one of his best friends off at the internship. I had the joy of hanging out with these two men of God and it was wonderful! We rang in the new year together and had a blast! That weekend I got to enjoy the company of my sweet sisters! It was such a blessing. Well on the way back to the metroplex I had to drop my friend off at the airport so they could go back home. On our way to the airport there was complete silence for about 30 minutes. You would hear some sniffling from one or the other and a deep breath or two. We were sitting and each asking God what was happening. Our hearts were breaking and we weren't sure why. Well before long he soon knew why his was and I was still wondering about mine. Well, here I am a few months later and I now know why. Friendships are dear to me, especially ones that the Lord has blessed me with. Now I must give not just some but all of my friendships over to the Lord. I have fought this for a few weeks, giving them over to the Father a few at a time. It's been really hard as I have shed many tears over each person who has impacted my life and loved me. And whom I have loved. Tonight, I sit here and want to let you know. Even though it's still kind of hard, I am so thankful for the Lord asking this of me. As I gave over each friendship, the Father filled the gap that was left in my heart. That yearning for companionship and fellowship was filled with the fellowship of sweet Jesus. I recently went on a short road trip with one of these friends that I had to give over to the Lord and found the time together to be very sweet, not because we were able to catch up, but because Daddy was first and foremost. I have found a love for my friends that I have never known before. Given to me by Jesus, to learn to love deeper. Something I have so longed for.

He has now asked me to give over my house mates to Him, and while I know it's hard I so look forward to this process for I know that this is the best thing to do.

I pray that Father does the same in your life at some point and that you find yourself completely satisfied in Him and loving those around you in a deeper ever more real way. A love that surpasses understanding and you find that through Christ 1 Corinthians 13 rings true in your life because of HIM!

Through this I know friendships will grow deeper and sweeter. May we continue to spur one another on towards love. Sharpening one another as iron sharpens iron and helping pick one another up. May we all come to a point to where we are so filled with the Holy Spirit that we can't help but love, truly deeply passionately completely pure love.

Lets run into the depths of the ocean....

A new start

2010-02-22T19:05:00.004-06:00

What a week it has been. I had my first tire blowout, I met 2 of my new roommates. I said goodbye to an old friendship. Let go of a lot of stuff. Continued in worshiping the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY. Started a new book.

It has finally come. We are moving into the Beulah house this weekend. In less than 5 days I will be living with totally different people in a totally different environment. PRAISE THE LORD!!!! I get to see my best friend in 2 week. See a wedding in 2 weeks. Go on a road trip with some of my favorite people in 3 weeks. Move in less than one and work a lot and go to school in between. I am so looking forward to this month as there will be on full week of no classes!!! YAY!!!

For the rest...like my heart...

I am more in love with my beloved today than I was yesterday

I am highly favored

I am blessed more than I can imagine

I am deserving of so much worse, but am treated as a princess

I am learning to walk by faith

I am learning what humility is and looks like

I am at peace

I am weak and he is strong!!!

I am filled with joy

I miss some friends

I am broken over the hurting

I long to get married

I am nothing

I have nothing

For all I am is found in Christ Jesus our Lord!

I am well!!!

2010-01-30T23:50:00.002-06:00

I only wish I could explain what is going on in my heart... soon...soon I'll let you know!!!

continue to love...allow the grace and love of the Father to fill you... you are going to need His strength today!

And now for something completely different...

2010-01-15T23:13:00.003-06:00

So yesterday everyone but Em was home and so we were discussing living arrangments as Em has asked to have her own room. (which therefore puts me in an odd perdicerment). So after trying to figure something out where no one is really put out or anything...I let Em know that we have found a solutionn and we can move stuff around when she gets off... well...that didn't happen. So here I am the next day...still the same problem with a totally different attitude. Em is still in the same room as I. I no longer feel estranged from her...just a little hesitant. This seems to be where a lot of my relationships stand right now... and with people who are really close to me as well I might add. I have found myself overwhelmed with love for this inparticular friend of mine... something I wasn't sure I had for her. But by prayer this has happened...by the Fathers doing.
Our house has since decided to all go our seperate ways...Lynn gets married in a month...Brooke will move in with some girls from the prayer room...Em will get an apartment... Allie will move to Fort Worth... And I... well... we will have to wait and see. I know the Lord called me here to DFW for a reason and I am not going to walk away from that. He just has to provide a way, a better job and a place to live... So here I find myself in yet a familiar place... walking on faith for his COMPLETE provision. If you have known me for more that o say about 6 months you've prolly seen me make it by some miracle or another to pay the bills or pay for school. He always provides... just I never know where it is coming from.
The Lord gives and He takes away... there is this song that has been stuck in my head for the past day and it is by todd agnew... at one part it says... Lord won't you give me a little more cause my heart breaks for those kids and all i have is not even enough for me...the Lord responds...why don't you let me have the rest of what you have and I will give you some real wealth... well I know that's not money... it's eternal wealth...this is what I want... but can't quite seem to get there.
I'm reading this book right now... the Lord Almighty amazes me!!! I want to tell you all that he is showing me right now... so much revelation and realizing so much... :D AHHHHH!!!
But I'll have to leave it at this....
"they will no longer call me 'my master' but will call me 'my husband'"
I can no longer call me my master... but can't help but to call him my husband
REDEEMED!!!!!!!!!
Well...it's late and I have to open...so that means I won't get much sleep tonight...but thats ok...

Something is changing...

2010-01-07T23:29:00.002-06:00

So much of my life I've seen good as far off dreams that'll never happen. As amazing things happened in my life it seemed all so surreal. Why would this happen to me of all people?! Then God showed me, not just told, who I am, who I really truly am. I began to see myself change, like I was watching my life in a movie or something. Then I no longer seemed distant from myself, but living here now. I thought my hearts desires could never be reached, but one by one they are being reached. Little by little small dreams I had became true. And now I see freedom, not from a distance but by walking in it. I no longer see things as paintings, but as real as my roommate sitting next to me now. The bride before the bridegroom is no longer just a poster on the wall, but understood and experienced.

The ladder grew, the colors came back, the storm more intense and yet more exciting, the items of the box no longer broken, the flowers blooming bright closer to the heart but farther in location. And so much more.

I hope you understand a least a little bit of this.

Something is changing, this is what I've wanted over the past year. I just didn't see what was happening in my heart. But now I see a small glimpse of what's coming. :D

2009

2010-01-07T23:01:00.003-06:00

So looking back on what happened this past year has encouraged me to run harder and thank the Lord for his faithfulness. The year 2009 was by far not my favorite. It was filled with turmoil and pain as well as reunions and goodbyes. I am thankful for this past year and what the Lord has taught me through it. A little of what happened in 2009:

-Gained lots of wisdom from Ninny and parents

-My best friend meets her future husband... she just didn't know it at the time

-I am out on my own, away from HA

-Learn to dive deeper and wait upon the Lord

-God protects me and my family

-I become very ill, at the time for an unknown reason

-Soon realize how thankful I am for my lifelong friends

-Go on lots of adventures just me and Jesus

-Go on even more walks just Him and I

-Watch close friends go through really hard things

-Learn to intercede and to not stop praying

-Get even sicker, can't move most days due to pain

-Become lonely and feel overwhelmed by isolation

-Learn to defeat self pity and listen to Jesus

-Lots of trips to hospitals and way too many doctor visits!

-Have surgery the next day

-See and understand to much greater level of this quick fading life

-Brother gets married two days later

-Wisdom teeth removed a few days later

-Learn to do what seems like everything all over again

-Come to understand more of who I am in the Lord

-Move to DFW and learn to live on my own

-Seek the Lord

-Wondering if I'm growing at all

-God shows me how he has been changing me

-Depending fully on God

-Live with complete strangers who soon become sweet friends

-New season of life

-Lots of roadtrips and even more conversations

-Go to see family, understand that this is not our home

-Become even more thankful for people and don't like materials near as much

-Live, laugh, cry, love

-Gain friends, lose friends

-Made lots of mistakes, Jesus picked me up everytime

-Challenged, pushed, loved, prayed for, rejoiced with and cried with

-Learn to love deeper

-Learned to run harder

So here I go, so much more happened, the above is just pretty general. Here we go, lets go to the throne, the place where we belong...right into his arms!

2010 is a new season, though this past year was filled with pain and brokenness, I know throughout this next year it will prove worth it. A change is coming! I'm excited to see what is in store for us. This year is a year of change, victories, pursuing dreams and walking out in faith. I want to see miracles happen, dreams become reality, new life birthed, new journeys begin and experience LOVE most of all in a whole new way. To fall more in LOVE.

Old self vs. New self

2009-12-28T10:09:00.003-06:00

Yesterday I went to church with my family at a church that a few friends and us started. It is a branch off of Hillside Christian Church in Amarillo, TX. You know the church that did the cardboard testimonies... well... this is the original church that did those and they still do on a regular basis. Well I was at one that my best friend, Rachel, her dad is the pastor. So going there is always a little strange, I know this family sometimes better than my own I feel like sometimes. You see I used to be over there all the time and would go to there house without them even being there. Needless to say I know even the skeletons in the closet. Yet I know that the Lord has most certainly called this family as the pastors of our quickly growing church. Dad (the pastor) continually pours out wisdom to me and encourages me to push forward, he calls me Esther most days, cause he says I'm a modern day Esther... not quite sure what that looks like, but hey I trust him. Mom (Rachel's mom) is so sweet and caring, yet really outspoken. As a mother of 4 she is a strong, happy, joyful, God fearing woman. Her children praise her and her husband adores her. Mom pushes me hard every time I see her. She asks me the hard questions and helps me in times of uncertainty. Rachel... well there is so much I could say about Rach.... but I'm going to leave it at we are best friends and we know that the Lord is the one who formed our friendship and nothing can break our bond as sisters. We know this, because we've gone through the hardest things you can ever go through as friends.

Well Dad was talking and he was talking about Luke 2 and the man who circumcised Jesus how he was a rearward looking man... once he had seen the Christ he was ready to die... literally. Then the prophetess Anna how she was so joyful that redemption that she had been longing for finally came, she was a forward looking woman. Dad asked if we were focusing on the past or looking forward to the future. Are we living in consolation or for eternity? This helped me realize how I had been holding on so tightly to certain things in the past so tightly, some good some bad. Then God led me to a place of surrender. To a place of letting go of the past and walking forward. While this may be hard in lots of ways, I am already victorious in Christ, and I am going to hold onto this!! I am holding on to Jesus, to let go of the past and look forward to the future!!! And live for today!!

Isaiah 61

2009-12-20T23:43:00.002-06:00

Well today has been a ... to say the least a painful day. I asked the Lord to help me overcome not being as vulnerable as I want to with my house and to speak up like I do with the rest of my friends. Well he brought up something from the past that I had totally forgotten about and I supressed it for over 10 years... UNHEALTHY!!! Well I've been working through this for the past 15 to 16 hours and well the Lord is so good. He has helped me forgive, and see why it pertains to what I asked of him. I am so thankful and so blessed to have the roommates i do! As I just processed through all of this with them and am so blessed that they listened and prayed over and with me.

My roommate Brooke then reminded me of my passion... ISAIAH 61. She told me it's because of the life I've lived that I will have the testimony to speak to the broken hearted and love them and help bring healing. That I will walk in the authority of the Lord and see things come to fruition. This is where the fight is worth it. Even though not everyone will receive Jesus, or choose to walk away from the world, the sacrifice will be worth it. The sacrifice will be worth it to fight for my husband and my children. The tears and the pain will be worth it to see them grow in the Lord. Laughter and joy will come, for he turns our mourning into dancing!

Isaiah 61... is and will be my life story... all for HIS glory!!!

Faithfulness and Answered Prayers

2009-12-09T21:15:00.002-06:00

So the past several days have been to say the least challenging. Some things happened with one of my roommates, and well spiritual attacks came from all corners. Every one of us was attacked in one way or another. We fought hard, cried and prayed a lot. Continuously for just over a week. Well the Lord answered our prayers. While its still been hard, we have victory in the Lord. We are warriors for one another. We've been learning a lot about what its going to be like to fight for our husband and kids one day. While things have not been easy, it has been such a blessing to be surrounded and loved by the roommates I have. They continually challenge and encourage me. We are still learning a lot about one another, but it continually gets better as we continually open up and are vulnerable with one another.

Winter

2009-12-07T00:07:00.002-06:00

Winter makes me think of santification. When we go through those seasons when we feel so distant from God and from others, like the cold chill of that north wind when it hits your neck because you forgot your scarf in the rush of the morning. The long dark nights make me think of the times we spend in agony longing for more of Him begging and pleading and seem to have no response. But then occasionally, like the falling of the snow, there is refreshment a response, although sometimes hard to swallow, still its something, he is refining and purifying us. The dreary days seem so much like the days when we are under heavy attack and are very aware of it and fighting back, oh but oh good the rest is when we rest in the Lord and take hold of the peace he gives. The stars seem so much brighter this time of year, small simple reminders of His goodness!! But the spring time comes and the sun stays up longer, the flowers bloom and it gets a little warmer. The fruits of your labor show you glimpses of themselves, you are captivated by the Lord and lavished in his love and you recognize it, just like the warmth of the sun on your cheeks. What a beautiful season that winter is, while it may be hard, it is one of equipping and preparation. A season that really shows where your heart truly lies. ...

Snow...

just wait for the snow...

Worship while I am waiting

2009-09-16T14:54:00.003-05:00

I must live for him!

In the desert and in the garden, I must live a life of worship for him!

I cannot do this with out Him.

Why do we try?

Why do we live as slaves when we are free?

What are you living for?

A full life is not a long life... what is your purpose?

The joy of the Lord is my strength.

He opens my mouth and I sing his praise.

I have to praise him!

How can I not praise him?!!

For him and for him alone!

I AM IN LOVE!!! through thick and thin...

Do you know the way you move him?

2009-08-17T15:52:00.003-05:00

I was posed this question yesterday morning and well, I spent a lot of time contemplating it. Later that day I heard this song that talked about waiting on the Lord. Then the Lord totally blessed me with fellowship of some people who love Jesus so passionately, you can see it in there face.
I want to worship HIM in my speach, my relationships, my life. Every part of me for HIM!

love always
lys

The Lord Gives and Takes Away

2009-08-15T14:25:00.002-05:00

So over the past 8 months I had slowly lost my smile...
It no longer had meaning, or depth, just a cover, to avoid the hard questions.
A lack of sincerity, a loss of overflowing joy...
UNTIL!!!!
Yesterday...
My true smile is back
Jesus gave me my smile back and he used a lovely lady at target to reveal this to me
HE IS SO AMAZING!!!
HE IS MY JOY!!! Through thick and thin
:D
SMILE JESUS REALLY LOVES YOU!!!!
Smile...cause i thought of you today... cause Jesus gave you to me. :D
love always

lys

It's come...

2009-08-04T17:40:00.003-05:00

For a year and a half, I've been waiting for this day to come. I know this is a step in the journey that i can't miss. I have been anticipating this move for quite some time now.
Over the past 8 months, it's been quite the challenge. I've been sick more often than not, and i mean the kind of sick when you can't even make it out of bed. I've dealt with plenty more than i would have chosen. However, now i look back and wouldn't trade any of it. The Lord has taught me so much. He has pushed me and refined me.
I love HIM! I truly love HIM! This life is pointless without him!
I can't wait to see my friends, although saying goodbye to family is hard. Especially my ninny and lil nephew. But more than anything, I look foreward to serving the one I love. To pouring out this love he has given me to those who need it.
:D
Love always
lys

The Secret of our heart

2009-07-24T19:09:00.002-05:00

We have a hidden secret. Not many will speak of this deeply rooted desire. It runs our life. We try and satisfy this desire in so many different ways. Depending on your past, your heart, your surroundings, the people and things that influence you most depends on what you turn to for this satisfaction.
Some turn to food, others to every person of the opposite gender that they can get along with. Some turn into themselves and become hermits, while others cling for every bit of attention they can get a hold of.
It's the desire, the longing, the deeply rooted essential part of life. with out it we don't function as we should.
Its LOVE!
Love, true love, satisfies all. Love lasts, no more short term, quick fixes. Love is everlasting. Love overflows. Love abounds. Love never fails.
Cling to Love. Love will pull you out of the worst slump.
Love speaks truth. Love is truth. Love is life. Love is more beautiful than words can describe.

LOVE ALWAYS.

Incomprehensible

2009-07-20T22:48:00.002-05:00

Staring out the window as we make the typical weekend trip to Amarillo, life irolls like a movie through my head. Decisions that have been made, refining times, mourning, celebration, anticipation, dread, friendships, they all run through my head. Analyzing my life, checking my heart. I find that over and over again, Christ lives. He reaches out and changes me. Fullfillment and love are found only in Him. That of the flesh, I despise, yet do things I don't want to, waste time, get distracted. Learning little by little, seeking Him day after day. Each step takes me a little closer, makes me a little less and Him even bigger.
I'm captivated by his grace and mercy. His enduring promises. His truth. His compassion especially on His children as seen in the old testament towards the Isrealites. This I want. I want to go farther, to be pushed harder.
His great love! This I chose to pursue!
The cross, the life, the defeat of death, the LOVE, the truth, do we really understand the greatness of this moment in history, when everythng turned upside down?
May we not continue to live under the law and not in Christ. But may we live in truth, in grace, in CHRIST! Don't take the cross in vain, its not by works, but by faith. Even though the fruit or lack of will show your true pursuit, it reveals a portion of your heart.
Christ spoke blatant truth to the all, he was compassionate toward those who were cast out, avoided, abandoned. He rewareded the faithful. He did it all in love, for he was fully God, God is love. He was also fully man, able to relate to us all.
He was so thankful always to the Father. He finished the race, sprinting.
May we follow in His steps, oh how I long too!!

Friendships

2009-07-02T18:38:00.002-05:00

I am so thankful for the friends God has blessed me with. Their fellowship is so sweet. They are so encouraging!

Well I move to DFW in 5 weeks. And my mom is totally blessing me with her car. Jesus is so good!!!!

I am so in love with the Lord...Jesus the sweetest name I know!!!

Have a wonderful day!

Love Always

2009-06-22T18:19:00.002-05:00

A life of complete obedience and faithfulness. One full of love, joy and hope. To see light in the dark. This is what I want my life to be like.
Jesus is so truly amazing! Lovely in every way. Majestic!!!
One step, one day at a time.
:D

His goodness tonight!

2009-05-02T22:55:00.002-05:00

So after work today I spent the day with my parents. After lunch we went to run some errands then my mom and I went shopping. It was such a blast and much needded! After we were done shopping we met up with my stepdad. He asked to talk to me (this I must say was a scary moment) I am so used to being in trouble every time we had a serious talk. Anyways that wasnt it at all. He apologized for so much. We had a good talk and it was much needed! He told me not all guys are like him(referring to someone else). Anyways it was exactly what i needed to hear. With everything that has gone on recently it was something that definitely needed to be said.
He is so good!

Momma

2009-05-01T22:23:00.003-05:00

So I don't know about you but I love my Momma! I have been thinking a lot about her recently and just how thankful I am that I have the Momma I do. You see my Momma is so beautiful. Her love pours out so plentifully! Can I tell you a bit about my Momma? But first let me say, you have to get to know her! You have to hang around and let her know that you love her. She fears rejection, if you knew someone from our past you'd know why.
My Momma taught me how to be strong. She is the strongest woman I know or can even think of. She raised three kids as a single mom going to college full time, two full time jobs and never stopped fighting for what she believed we kids deserved.
My Momma taught me to not judge people by the way they act or look but instead to love them and to choose to be thier friend. Once you get past the wall we all have built up for our so called "safety" you can see that everyone needs a friend. For that reason, my brothers and I were never in the cool crowd. When you took the first look at our friends you'd prolly just look away and move on, but I wouldn't have traded them for anything!
My Momma has always believed in us. She showed us that our dreams are possible and to not hold back!
My Momma taught me the importance of family. I have a very tight knit family and because of my Papa we learned that in a family you serve one another, you pick the other up when you are down. You hold them accountable. YOU ALWAYS POINT THEM TOWARD GOD AND PRAY!!!!
My Momma showed me that our life is not ours to take. Everything is in the Lord's hands.
My Momma taught me to be a completely independent person. She also taught me, that I must be completely dependent on the Lord God Almighty!
She continually reminded me that my Daddy will never forsake me, or hurt me.
She helped me know joy.
My Momma is amazing. I wouldn't trade her for the world and all that is in it!
My Momma taught me to look for the best in everyone, but to not turn a blind eye to the worst, but instead help them leave it behind.
My Momma taught me that even when no one understands, and no one wants you to do it, go for what you know you have to do.
My Momma, held me in my trials and times of pain, she was joyful when I was, when I cryed myself to sleep she was right there. When I was sick, she never left my side. She knows my good and my bad, she knows my past and present. She knows my dreams. She knows me. She is my Momma! I am so thankful for her! My Momma is so truly beautiful! My Momma is the best. She is not perfect but she is mine! I love her so much more than I could ever describe!
Thank you Momma, for all you've done and all that you continue to do!

Love always...
Your baby girl...I took a little while to get here, but I came when God knew you'd need me to love! Thank you for all the hard years, for all the good ones and for the ones to come! Thank you for never letting go of me and for fighting for me when all hope seemed lost. Thank you for holding on when you thought you could no longer press on. You've changed my life! I'll never be able to describe how much you mean to me.
Alyssa Danielle.

A little update...more like a lil of everything...hope it's not too long...

2009-04-27T00:37:00.002-05:00

This is a little update about my life and all that is going on...
Physically: I just have to laugh because the craziest things happen to me, anyways. I am really happy to get my wisdom teeth out in 2 weeks. Sometime around that same week I will also have my gallbladder removed. I am perfectly healthy otherwise...boo to organs that just decide to stop working and there is nothing you could do to prevent it.

Mentally: Drained, but well. I have finals this next week and a half and due to other things I am just tired of analyzing every detail of a situation...what happend? I never used to analyze this much! I well, I won't anymore, not near as much starting now!

Emotionally: Full and very expressive, at least when I don't hold it back. I am very glad to announce that I am fully feeling and expressing! I am not numb, or suppressing my emotions. I don't have to make them up, or make myself sound like what I should be feeling! YAY! I am exhausted at the end of each day, but hey I gave my all.

Relationally: Well finding who my root friends are and which one are branches and which ones are leaves. Trusting the Lord, for his plan is perfect!

Financially: Daddy is taking care of me! He is providing all I need!!! Thank you Mr. Stoner for reminding me!

The joy of the Lord is my strength. In Him I take refuge. He walks with me through thick and thin. He never stops teaching me. He dances with me! I am amazed at his glorious splendor! He is Lord of all. He created you and me and loved us before the world ever began. He is glorious! Worthy of all our praises! His peace endures. He is faithful! These statments ring true again and again. :D I am weak, but He is strong. In Him we are holy and righteous! It's about time we start living like it! No doubts! For we must boast about this, that we know the Father and He knows us and our names are written in the book of life!

In this desert, I have found the greatest friend of all! I have seen a glimpse of this glorious splendor of a savior who died so Father could be glorified. A life that was spent bringing hope and loving the unloveable. Speaking the hard things. Only by the Holy Spirit can we understand what He meant when He wrote those life giving words in the Book of Life. For freedom we are set free. In this desert, here in the presence of the Lord, I find all that I've been searching, longing, yearning for. I am captivated. I am satisfied.
No this is not an easy season by any means! However, I am loved, cherished, delighted in, blessed, protected and joyful! I have a lot of hard things each and every day to face, but in this desert I see the garden in the distance. I take joy in the Father. I am held in arms that comfort, heal and lead me. I am taken care of. I am completely dependent on a man that I have never seen. I am held in the arms of my Daddy that I have never seen. He whispers to me, here in this desert, and I've never even seen his face. I am healing. He is glorious! He riegns in us!
Everything I have ever searched for in a man, in an earthly relationship I have found in my beloved. I wear a ring that is more true now, in this desert then ever before.
It's all a choice, a simple ask of help from the Creator himself.
In the pain there is healing, In your name there is meaning.
Tears, a sign of healing.
I still seeking after him! For my soul craves for Him!
I have been blessed with the best friends I could ever ask for! They've been there through the good and the bad. They saw me at my weakest, at my worst, at my best and everywhere in between. Yet they are always there, for we share the same Father!
See you all soon!
Love always...

Peace

2009-04-14T23:22:00.002-05:00

So life is just pure chaos, I think I have just about decided! I am doing really well right now. Depending on the Lord, and He is faithful always!
God is my protector, the one in whom I take refuge! I depend on Him for everything!
So some crazy things have happend recently and my mom just called me not too long ago to let me know of some more stuff that is happening. Ugh! Is all I have to say.
God is in control, and I am going to seek him for wisdom and guidance, and protection.
I am so thankful for all of you!!!
May God give you the peace I have come to know and live in in every situation!
Love always...

2009-04-09T00:15:00.003-05:00

So yesterday was an interesting day to say the least. It was a day that went well and that I enjoyed quite a bit.
Some stuff went on today. I gave some things to the Lord today and a challenge came up.
Well when it came up and the first thing that came out was
Dear Jesus,
My heart is broken. Can you fix it?

He has been so faithful and he is my healer in all things.
I'm not completely fixed, but I've got God and he is all I need.

So this post is kind of a healing in the process. Glory be to God for all that he is doing!!!

Love always...

2009-04-07T01:24:00.002-05:00

He is faithful!
He is good!
In Him I trust!
He is my healer!
He is the one I love!
He is my Daddy!
He is my best friend!
He is my beloved!
He is my strength!
He is EVERYTHING to me!

2009-04-05T23:00:00.002-05:00

Isaiah 12
Ezekial 16
Ezekial 36 & 37
Hosea 6 & 8
Naham 1:7
Matthew 21:28-22:14

2009-04-05T12:30:00.002-05:00

Long night
It's over!
Thank you Jesus for your protection!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thats been my life for almost the past 24 hours.
God does protect his children!!!! don't ever doubt that!!!

Love always...

I'm rather ill...

2009-04-01T22:35:00.002-05:00

So my body has been quite tempermental with me lately. I try and give it enough sleep and it seems that I can never quite match up. I've been having lots of pain in my stomach and lots of other symptoms that I won't mention because I don't want you to worry. Yesterday I spent the whole day getting blood work done and visiting with my doctor. My body has decided to let everything go wrong all at the same time. Well needless to say, I have been given some medicine to take care of a couple of the issues. But as for the pain, perseverence is what I have to do for now. Turns out, majority of my abdomin pain, if it gets worse(another words, if it keeps hurting more and more everyday like it has been for the past two weeks) surgery will be the cure. And right now surgery sounds pretty good considering everything.
God will heal me I know this and I truly believe it, he's done it several other times for me. I just don't know if he is going to use my doctor or not. I'm so glad God helps out the medical field in so many ways. Oh how I miss seeing the Lord work in patients lives and bodies like I did when I worked at the hospital.
Anyways, I'm off to bed, I have a huge migraine and am hurting pretty bad right now, so sleep here I come. Sweet dreams...till next time

He is always faithful, through the worst of times and through the best of times.

Love always...

A Turn Around

2009-03-27T00:19:00.002-05:00

Last night was the begining of a turn around, a changing point, a few more faces in my dream about life.
It continued throughout today through conversations with a my brother who is so far away, a sister in South Carolina, a best friend in California, and it all started last night with my sister who has overcome so much in her life, faces what has happend every waking moment, and has scars that tell a beautiful story of God's grace and mercies upon her life. I was simply reminded of all the things I learned last year, the changes that happend in my life, the person that I am in Christ. I had started to take it all in vain, falling back into someone I refuse to be!
I am no longer filled with pessimism but JOY
I am no longer overwhelmed by sadness but seeing the HOPE
I am no longer listening to the lies and deception, but clinging to TRUTH
I am choosing to SEEK
I choose to LOVE
I choose to TRUST you
I choose LIFE
The Lord has shown me so much today and I am so thankful for HIM, for His mercies which are new every morning, and the grace that he has upon my life. For He knew my days before I ever existed.
Today is going in a journal that someone very dear gave to me at the end of last year. For it is a point in time, that things clicked and a portion of a dream that I had last year came to pass.
The faithfulness of the LORD!! Praise be to the King of kings and Lord of lords!
His steadfast love endures forever!!!!!!

Love always...
Lyss

:-D

2009-03-22T22:22:00.002-05:00

? Is missing your friends pitying yourself?
I miss my best friends so much and my lil bro!
Ok there I said it... I was completely honest, now I'm going to bed, and Jesus is going to give me sweet dreams and be with me the whole time, cause he loves me too much to let me go!!!!

Love always....

Mirror game with myself

2009-03-22T22:13:00.001-05:00

Well, I won't tell you what I see, right now.
However this is how I feel.

I am so blessed to have seen my parents this weekend! They blessed me so much. I was so happy that I got to go see them for a little bit!!

You know how sometimes you just get the lonely feeling...well it's still here. I know I'm not alone, this is a season that will pass! I am loved and cherished by my creator, I am never alone!!!

I had the worst longing ever today!!! It scared me so bad!!! I wanted to just be held by my biological father, Eddie, which NEVER happens. If you even know the slightest bit about him, you know how scary that is!!! However, I totally know now what it was, I truly just want to rest between Daddy's (the Father) shoulders, to sit in his lap and feel his heart beat as I just lay there listening... pitter patter pitter patter... His love just overflowing, peace beyond comprehension.

I am well. No worries :)

Have a wonderful week, may the Lord clothe you in His strength, joy and peace. May your friendship with Him grow even deeper this week.

love always...

Faithful is the Lord God Almighty!

2009-03-16T00:05:00.002-05:00

Monday night I was babysitting three little friends of mine. The two older ones had gone to sleep. Karter, the youngest at 2, doesn't normally go to sleep for anyone except his dad. This is what happend. I was in the chair writing a letter, Karter was on the ground playing with his truck. He looked up at me and the conversation is as follows:
Karter: Issa
Me: Yes Karter
Karter: Jesus LOVES me!
Me: Thats right Karter He loves you so much
Karter: Issa, He will never leave me. Look He is here right now. SEE!
Me: Thats so true, Never forget that!
Karter: He loves me so much he is always with me. He refuses to leave me because he loves me so much!

I needed to hear Jesus tell me this so badly, he told me through the mouth of a precious red headed 2 year old boy. At that point Karter asked to sit in my lap so i put him in my lap and he went right to sleep. That was this little ones purpose that night. No wonder Jesus said let them come to me. The children truly do know Jesus! They know that GOD truly is GOD!!!
God is so faithful!
Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty
Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty
Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty

Oh Lord look at the flowers, how they bloom to show you the beauty you have made, O child of mine, I gave them to you, to remind you of my love, mercies that are new every morning!

My soul can't dance without you O LORD!
You give me the very breath I breathe.

There is a love as strong as death, jealousy demanding as the grave, waters cannot quench this love!

My heart is yours...!

The Joy of the Lord is my strength.

You are ever faithful LORD!

Confirmation...over and over... and more...

2009-03-13T21:30:00.002-05:00

Well this morning I was reading in Matthew, I am so stuck in that book right now, and I enjoy it! Anyway, I was reading in chapter 10 or 11, I'm pretty sure it was 10. Jesus was talking about how mothers will be turned against thier daughters, father's against thier sons, in-laws turned against one another, but how the Lord is going to use this. Bring the father's to the daughter, the sons to the mothers and the in-laws to one another. Then it talked about how we must love the Lord so much more than we love our parents or friends. That really hit me hard. You see i'm moving to Arlington in May and no one really in my family is for that except my oldest brother, but he'll be there as well. It hurts my mom the most, and me and my mom are like best friends. She isn't supporting me at all in this and said she won't help me period. Which I understand, but can't explain, cause you'd have to hear about my whole life, and I'm pretty sure you don't want to read it. If you want to know just call and ask, and i'll tell you in a few minutes. Anyways, it hurts that I'm hurting my mom in this. So many lies are flying at her like: I'm betraying her. I'll never speak or see her again. I'm moving to find happiness and not out of obedience. and so on...
Well last week a friend of mine told me about this verse and it's been on my mind. I came across it accidentally. After I read it I knew that the decision about moving was the right one, even though it's going to be hard. Thank you Jesus for your faithfulness and confirmation!
I'm learning so much about the Lord's faithfulness! He will never let you down!! He might do something that you don't want him to do, but he will never leave you or betray you or lie to you, for that is the very opposite of who He is. He always answers your prayers, he sees every tear that is shed, and every pain inflicted.
I must say I miss my friends a lot, but I don't feel so lonely. Jesus, I know he is with me and that is all I need. He has taken away the lonliness I've felt for so long. I still feel it occasionally like this afternoon, but I remember the very promise that God gave me! I'm finding my need of affection in Him, instead of people.
Just in case you don't know, a friend of mine, and if you are reading this, you probably know him as well. Tried out for So You Think You Can Dance today and I think it goes on till tomorrow, he is in Tenessee. This just reminds me to live life with no regrets! There is a song that you prolly know, especially if you know me, and one part goes:
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO MAINTAIN THESE REGRETS when I think about HE LOVES US.
So the things in your past that might be regrets, think about the lessons you've learned and the good that has come from that, you wouldn't be where you are right now if it weren't for that! Take chances! Live a life of risk taking faith. (i'm preaching to the choir right now, not to you.)
Sorry for all the blabbing.
Have a blessed day! No matter who you are, reading this right now... seriously, be blessed by the Lord. He gave you that breath you just took.
I love you, by the grace of God, I love you! He gave love to me!

And we wait...what do you we do?

2009-03-10T23:11:00.003-05:00

He made the lame walk and the dumb talk
He opened blinded eyes to see
that the sun rises on His time...
The world waits
while His heart aches....

Why does his heart ache?
Because of the great love he has for His children and yet how few of them know his love! So many are in utter darkness with no hope, cause they don'e know how to look up.
Are you just waiting?
Are you doing something while you wait?
Prayer has been on my heart for over a month now. I was just visiting some friends of mine this last week who live in east and north Texas, man o man how we saw how vital prayer is!
I'm still working on praying as much as I want to every single day. I fall so often. But how the Lord's grace is so good! He is faithful in all things!
I encourage you to pray without ceasing, have a conversation with the Lord all the time, let it be the very foundation of your day. There is a direct corelation between your prayer life and the intamacy that you have with the LORD!!!
Is your heart breaking for His children?

And we wait...what do you we do?

2009-03-10T23:11:00.000-05:00

I don't even know if anyone reads this but that doesn't matter...

2009-02-23T23:47:00.003-06:00

I am excited about the begining of march. I get to see my best friends for the first time since we went our seperate ways in december. They are such a blessing! I get to introduce my best friend from Dalhart to these friends, who are some how, in a miraculous sort of way, closer than friends.
I'm starting to look at things in a much different way than before. I am so thankful to find a body of believers that allow God to move. They are a family. So welcoming, they are Jesus to everyone they meet, even outside the building.
Me and Rachel had our first full out verbal fight. The reason: we don't want to other one to get hurt anymore. We ourselves would rather be hurt than to see the other one in any pain. We are both learning trust. Just in much different ways. Boy how both of us have changed over the last year.
God is truly good! It means so much more than it sounds. This english language can't even begin to explain the beauty of the Lord.
Psalm 119 is so true! So applicable, I'm starting to learn what was meant when these verses were writen. I am especially fond of the last verse of Psalm 119(vs. 176). then go to Matthew 18:10-14. I really like the book of Matthew... you should read it sometime.
Questions are always running through my mind right now about the scriptures, once one question is answered, like 10 more come up!
The more I get to know Him, the more I don't know. :D
I am a great sinner who is in need of a mighty saviour, Jesus paid the high price for me! I was helpless and then rescued.
Food for thoughts....
-write criticism in the sand(like Jesus did with the adultress), carve praise in stone(like our names are in the book of Life.
-a healthy relationship is the union of two good forgivers
-it was in the moment of your worst sin that Christ died for you...thats the beauty of grace
-when you give your life to the Lord it doesn't take away your ability to sin, it takes away the possibility of enjoying it
-a short story...so true though!
So this professor asks a guy if he thinks he can do 300 pushups in class in sets of ten, he normally does 200 a day, he agrees hesitantly when he is told he has a week till he'll need to do this. So a week later, the professor brings in donuts to class, exciting! He asks the 1st person do you want a donut, sure they respond, so he puts down a napkin and donut and tells the pushup man to do ten pushups to pay for this donut. The next person says they would like a donut when asked by the professor(they hadn't caught on yet), so the push up man does 10 more to pay for the donut. By the third person they catch on to what is happening, so when asked if he wants a donut the third person says no thank you. Professor says ok, grabs a napkin and donut and places it in front of the third person, sure enough push up man does 10 push ups to pay for the donut. Well this continues on and people passing by see that the class is getting free donuts so they start coming in and joining, well the class sees what is happening, after the pushup man has done about 280 pushups he starts shaking and the class starts yelling at people to not come in. Well, 360 pushups later, everyone has a donut in front of them, every one paid for with ten pushups. The professor says why not take the donut if it's already been paid for? It's the same thing with salvation. It's just sitting there, waiting for you to take a hold of it. It's already paid for. Just take the free gift.
hmmmm......why not?
Thank you Jesus!!!!

friendships

2009-02-21T23:56:00.002-06:00

Fight for them! Don't let an arguement tear you apart. Friendships are a blessing from the Lord. Talk to them face to face after an arguement, let them see your heart. I learned this today. It was hard. But I'm glad we talked!

2009-02-16T23:08:00.002-06:00

Well I have found myself in love with someone.
It happend so quickly and it wasn't till I paused for a moment and looked back. I have fallen in love with this amazing man. He is so kind and gentle. He is strong and courageous. He is a mighty man of valor. He loves me unconditionally. Everytime I mess up he picks me up and helps me get going again. Everytime I need someone to hold me he does, until I fall asleep in his arms. He is so close yet so far away.
He is perfect in every way. I'm sure you'd love him too! He is the one I've always wanted. He is so much more than I could ever imagine. He sees me as beautiful and without flaw.
Yeshua is his name
Jehovah Jirah
Shalom
Prince of Peace
King of Kings
Comforter
Joy
Hope
Love.

Humility of a child

2009-02-11T23:05:00.002-06:00

Matthew 18:1-6
Mark 9:33-37
Luke 9:46-48
Who is the greatest?
Jesus. Who is like Jesus? This little boy who was just walking by. Why is he considered so great? Because of his humility. What is so special about his humility? He depended on the Lord. He didn't stay back because of feelings of unworthiness, nor did he run ahead to see what was next. He stayed with Jesus right there. Not wondering off or trying to do things on his own. He knew he needed this Savior. He trusted in the Lord knowing that he would not lead him astray, but instead walk him down a path of righteousness and holiness. A path of servanthood.
Jesus is so humble!
He depended on our Father for everything, for the water he drank, the food he ate, the clothes he wore, the money he needed to simply survive traveling. He knew he needed God, and he trusted him. All the way to death on a cross.
Now I have to ask myself the question. Do I trust God to lead me and take care of my every need? Do I trust him to lead me down the right path, even if it meant dying in a not so pleasant way? Do I trust? Am I humble? Do I depend on God for everything? Or do I try to do things on my own, because I was raised to be independent?
I would like to say that I am fully dependent for every need. I'm not sure I am. I'm trying to be. And I definitely was last year! So I know he provides. I need Him each and every day. His love, his truth, his teaching. I need him to hold me and to talk to everyday. I'm learning humbleness like that of a child.
Well I'm off to crawl in my Daddy's lap! Oh how I need one of his embraces right now! He gives the best hugs!
:D

Broken in the desert

2009-02-03T21:30:00.002-06:00

So i am going to start off with my step dad needs Jesus, he's rejected him so many times... I'm unsure of what to do but pray. He just lost his job and needs another one, he needs the Lord, his confidence and provisions, his promises... his faithfulness.... any ways
on to why i am writing this...

I need prayer!!! I am walking through a season of brokeness like I never have before. I am in the middle of the desert in a much different way. All has been stripped away. My friends are oh so far away. I don't know what a good hug is anymore (more like it's been so long I've almost forgotten what they are like). I feel so far, far from friendship and friends, far from God, far from family. Just far away.
I feel as though I've said goodbye to so many people to never talk to them again. I hate that, cause they are people I know I'm supposed to know for a long time. Well, or so I thought. It takes two to have a friendship. Right now I just need Jesus so desperately to grab a hold of me. I just want to collapse in His embrace. I want to walk down this path of brokeness, I do, I just need prayer is all.
Sorry, for sounding pitiful and like i'm doing horrible. Cause I am really doing quite well. I am learning to adjust to this new way of life. I am learning a lot about myself and about others and so much a bout God. My days are fine, just another day.
I just need Jesus...can you pray for me please!!! For healing grace strength and His embrace.

Through my Daddy's eyes

2009-01-16T01:30:00.002-06:00

Step by step
you lead me
down a long and narrow road
you go before me

you take all the blows
you go after me
you take all the stabs
you guide my every breath
you take all the curses
you take all the lies
your leading me to life everlasting
all because you LOVE

You love the dandilions that I bring
You love my broken heart
You love my painful scars
You love my shattered dreams
You love my weakest moments
You love my forgotten memories
You love each flaw I have

Because in YOU

Dandilions turn to roses
Broken hearts are made new
Painful scars are completely wiped away
Shattered dreams become a beautiful reality
In the weakest moments it is then that I'm strong
Forgotten memories are my redemption stories
Flaws made perfect

In YOU i'm complete...
Thank you Daddy
for the sunrise every morning
the sunset every night
the blessings in between
lovely reminders of
your great love for me

None but Jesus

2009-01-12T11:04:00.003-06:00

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored
When You call I won’t refuse
Each new day again I’ll choose
There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise
In the chaos, in confusion
I know You’re Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
When You call I won’t delay
This my song through all my days
All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope,
all of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord Forevermore
_Thank you Jesus for giving Hillsong the words to explain my heart right now! :D

Before I go to heaven

2009-01-09T12:04:00.001-06:00

There are so many things that I want to do before I go to heaven...
dreams that i'm waiting to come true.
What are some of yours?

?s

2009-01-07T00:40:00.001-06:00

What breaks your heart?
Who/what are you investing in?

Isaiah 43

2009-01-06T12:45:00.003-06:00

But now thus says the LORD,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I
will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not
overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall
not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I give Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in exchange for your life.
Fear not, for I am with you;
I will bring your offspring from the east,
and from the west I will gather you.
I will say to the north, Give up,
and to the south, Do not withhold;
bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the end of the earth,
wveryone who is called by my name,
whom I created fro my glory,
whom I formed and made."

A simple text was sent to me last night...
We are HISso why are we so ashamed of calling him ours?
You know in those tough moments and its awkward... everyone has them...
Is it because you are ashamed or afraid?
Life outside the HA is very different, you are surrounded by people who don't love the Lord in the same way, many don't know him, or hate him or serve another master.
In order to love you have to KNOW God and admit that you are his....
Matthew 10:32-33
So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven.

He gave us the right to be call sons and daughters... what an honor
John 1:12-13
But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.

Meditate on HIS holiness....

I love you all!!

Communion

2009-01-05T11:25:00.002-06:00

So yesterday I went to a church with a couple friends of mine, who I haven't seen in over a year and a half. I was excited but also had high hopes of finding a church family. I walked into the 11 o'clock service, to find myself surrounded and packed in to a very full service. Worship began and I felt such a peace... one that I haven't felt since leaving the HA. I looked around at a couple thousand people singing and praising God with all that they had. Young and old alike. We sang songs that are oh so familiar to me... because I sang them all the time with friends. Then the best part of all....
Communion...
A simple reminder off all that Christ did for me and that he has proposed to me... That i am a bride... a part of the bride of Christ. That even when I turn to other lovers, knowingly or unknowingly, he still comes back for me and makes me pure... I am forgiven.
Since being home, quiet times are harder to find time for... more like I've been allowing my self to get distracted. Quiet times were happening just not like I want them too.
Communion...
Christ drew me back to the secret place in the middle of the crowd. He blessed me with a family that I don't know yet, but will get to know over the next few months and I know that there is something here for me that I am supposed to learn. What an opportunity!
Communion...
a simple reminder of love
Love...
something that can't be explained
LOVE..
Someone who cares so much for you that even when you turn even for a brief moment, reaches down and draws you back in the way that is most effective to you...
for me...
communion....
love...
truth...
sweet surrender
:D

2009-01-02T12:08:00.002-06:00

I have great plans for you!
The Lord keeps telling me this over and over again. Then this morning something new. I have something for you Alyssa, something so much more than you could ever imagine or dream of. Know that dreams do come true, just continue to seek after me.
I found out that something will happen this year that I've wanted to happen for so long. I don't know what that is, but i'll find out and let you know.
Remember that the Lord has great plans for you! He tells us in Jeremiah of these plans and the Lord keeps all of his promises, I haven't found a single time when the Lord hasn't fullfilled a promise yet.
Plans, dreams, promises, reality... all go together... HOW AMAZING!
Dreams do come true.
As Daddy's girl I long for so many dreams to come true in my life... many already have and many more will. How awesome my Daddy is!!
:D
Dreams come true!!
One day I will walk on clouds and slide down the rainbow and be lost in the stars! :D

The Beattitudes

2009-01-02T12:03:00.002-06:00

So I was reading Matthew 5:1-12 and just really thinking about the attitude and the reward and what they really are. I am amazed by the simplicity and the great reward. That of which we don't deserve, but with God's grace and mercy it is what we will recieve.
Matthew 5
The Beatitudes 1Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, 2and he began to teach them saying: 3"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 5Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. 6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. 7Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. 8Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. 9Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. 10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

The Lord is so good!

Letters

2009-01-01T23:27:00.000-06:00

I never really realized how much I enjoy letters till today...
I was missing my family and a few others, more than usual today, I found a box of letters from them today and decided to read them, all the sudden it was like I was there with them. What a blessing... I think I am going to start writing more letters.
Thank you all so much for the encouraging notes and letters... what a blessing! :D

Life is foriegn in the norm

2009-01-01T23:03:00.000-06:00

Well, I graduated from Teen Mania's Honor Academy on December 13th and moved home for a few weeks. This weekend I am moving to my Ninny's house in Canyon. I am so excited to start college again and get a routine going. Life outside the HA has been so foriegn. I was used to being surrounded by people who are constantly challenging each other to go deeper and to be refined by the Lord in every area of thier life. I was surrounded by friends who knew your mood just by looking at you for a split second or hearing you say hey. The brief amount of time that I spent there has totally transformed my life. I attended the HA as a January intern which has its ups and downs and is pretty much two internships in one. Toward the end of your year you say bye to the people that you love so dearly and say hello to complete strangers and you find yourself completely vulnerable to complete strangers. My life has changed immensely since January 4, 2008 till now. I went to the HA in search of something more and found so much more!!!
I went before the Lord totally broken and completely disconnected. I had a hard heart with a soft cushion. I knew how to wear a mask that made it seem like all was well. I wore it so well I began to believe it for myself. Life was fine... I was content with complacency and apathy. I needed a Daddy and a new heart.
Well I was put into a core whose name was Restoration and our core verse was Ezekial 36:26. Oh man the things that the Lord showed me through that verse are too many to count or explain right now. I found myself completely stripped and alone in the middle of my year. My friends were all gone on vacation or mission trips. Oh how the Lord used isolation.
Will you seek me when you have no one else?
Will you come after me when you are surrounded by your friends?
Will you pursue me when you haven't heard me in 3 months?
Are you desperate for me?
How desperate are you?
Will you listen to me in the wilderness?
Will you let me take your broken heart and give you a new heart?
Will you allow me to mold you into the Proverbs 31 woman that you so long to be?
Will you take what i give you and obey me?
You want my heart? Will you be faithful in the small things?
What will you do when no one else is looking?
Will you step out?
These were just a few of the questions that the Lord asked me in this time. I faced each one with much consideration and chose to chase after a man who had captured my heart, after a man whos face I had never seen. I chose to seek satisfaction in a lover who never fails. I found myself in the arms of a Daddy who would never leave me nor foresake me.
I was blessed with so many friends who had become closer than family in just a few brief months.
I found love and I have chosen to never let go of it! To have joy in all situations. To walk out in faith, even when I don't know why I am doing something. I learned to trust the Lord and the people he had placed in my life.
In the midst of chaos, pain, devastation, hardship, celebration, new life, friends and strangers I have found the greatest love of all and I know so little of it. The more I know the more I see that the less I know.
I am now living outside this enviroment, back where majority of people call life is normal and find myself as a sojourner, much like the apostles. Things continually become more and more real. The scriptures are so encouraging and a wonderful way to live life. I am excited for the next adventure at college.
Sure I miss my friends more than I ever thought possible and I've moved to several different cities in my life and said goodbye to many friends. But these friends are friends that I am living life with. We are connected by our love for the Lord. He has bound us together.
Well thats just a little of what has gone through my mind today....
Life is good... filled with challenges... but I am blessed. :D