Lost

I don't know about you but some days I feel lost...
     lost: as in having gone astray or missed the way; bewildered as to place,direction, etc. (dictionary.com)
Lost in the sense of not belonging. I know we are just sojourners here. But we have purpose. To live like Jesus, love like Jesus. But what does that look like day to day.

In my job, you quickly find yourself feeling tossed around like a ping pong ball, boosting egos here, giving meds there, fluffing pillows along the way; you know you are a vital part of the picture, but no one seems to see that. I watch the selfless people that I work with hold their bladders for 12+ hours, with only eating candy that one of our coworkers blesses us with more days than not, giving all of themselves to each patient. Bouncing from code brown to code 99 to a stroke- taking care of family, friends, and patients alike. Staying late for your family, while missing family dinners, holidays, and the ups and downs of their own family's lives. And when they walk out that door at the end of the day- the emotions come, praying for you and your family in this hard time. They are my heroes.

I want to give selflessly for these people I work with and all those who come through the doors needing help. Giving attention to some who are lonely, pain relief to the hurting, stress relief for family, and all the physical care needed. But to go beyond that: to be kind always, to hug, encourage, make someone smile, be the vessel to carry that extra caring touch. 

Outside of work though- I want purpose and direction. I see all these lovely people my age getting married, having children, awaiting their child's arrival, traveling with their significant other. It's so beautiful. And one day I think I'd like that too, but right now- I'm not there. I want to love selflessly (even though I'm an extremely selfish person), I want to be lost in the service of others. I want every encounter to reflect Christ (which I am far from that). I want to crawl out of this shell of shyness, out of my comfort zone, and pursue these goals. 

In small steps- one day at a time.
For God is moving, I am not lost- He is my purpose.
As Cinderella's mother so eloquently put it "Be kind and have courage."
In love always