The life of small hands, a big heart and a burning desire to see the world know LOVE in an intimate way... And the adventures and life lessons along the way.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Old self vs. New self

Yesterday I went to church with my family at a church that a few friends and us started. It is a branch off of Hillside Christian Church in Amarillo, TX. You know the church that did the cardboard testimonies... well... this is the original church that did those and they still do on a regular basis. Well I was at one that my best friend, Rachel, her dad is the pastor. So going there is always a little strange, I know this family sometimes better than my own I feel like sometimes. You see I used to be over there all the time and would go to there house without them even being there. Needless to say I know even the skeletons in the closet. Yet I know that the Lord has most certainly called this family as the pastors of our quickly growing church. Dad (the pastor) continually pours out wisdom to me and encourages me to push forward, he calls me Esther most days, cause he says I'm a modern day Esther... not quite sure what that looks like, but hey I trust him. Mom (Rachel's mom) is so sweet and caring, yet really outspoken. As a mother of 4 she is a strong, happy, joyful, God fearing woman. Her children praise her and her husband adores her. Mom pushes me hard every time I see her. She asks me the hard questions and helps me in times of uncertainty. Rachel... well there is so much I could say about Rach.... but I'm going to leave it at we are best friends and we know that the Lord is the one who formed our friendship and nothing can break our bond as sisters. We know this, because we've gone through the hardest things you can ever go through as friends.
Well Dad was talking and he was talking about Luke 2 and the man who circumcised Jesus how he was a rearward looking man... once he had seen the Christ he was ready to die... literally. Then the prophetess Anna how she was so joyful that redemption that she had been longing for finally came, she was a forward looking woman. Dad asked if we were focusing on the past or looking forward to the future. Are we living in consolation or for eternity? This helped me realize how I had been holding on so tightly to certain things in the past so tightly, some good some bad. Then God led me to a place of surrender. To a place of letting go of the past and walking forward. While this may be hard in lots of ways, I am already victorious in Christ, and I am going to hold onto this!! I am holding on to Jesus, to let go of the past and look forward to the future!!! And live for today!!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Isaiah 61

Well today has been a ... to say the least a painful day. I asked the Lord to help me overcome not being as vulnerable as I want to with my house and to speak up like I do with the rest of my friends. Well he brought up something from the past that I had totally forgotten about and I supressed it for over 10 years... UNHEALTHY!!! Well I've been working through this for the past 15 to 16 hours and well the Lord is so good. He has helped me forgive, and see why it pertains to what I asked of him. I am so thankful and so blessed to have the roommates i do! As I just processed through all of this with them and am so blessed that they listened and prayed over and with me.
My roommate Brooke then reminded me of my passion... ISAIAH 61. She told me it's because of the life I've lived that I will have the testimony to speak to the broken hearted and love them and help bring healing. That I will walk in the authority of the Lord and see things come to fruition. This is where the fight is worth it. Even though not everyone will receive Jesus, or choose to walk away from the world, the sacrifice will be worth it. The sacrifice will be worth it to fight for my husband and my children. The tears and the pain will be worth it to see them grow in the Lord. Laughter and joy will come, for he turns our mourning into dancing!
Isaiah 61... is and will be my life story... all for HIS glory!!!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Faithfulness and Answered Prayers

So the past several days have been to say the least challenging. Some things happened with one of my roommates, and well spiritual attacks came from all corners. Every one of us was attacked in one way or another. We fought hard, cried and prayed a lot. Continuously for just over a week. Well the Lord answered our prayers. While its still been hard, we have victory in the Lord. We are warriors for one another. We've been learning a lot about what its going to be like to fight for our husband and kids one day. While things have not been easy, it has been such a blessing to be surrounded and loved by the roommates I have. They continually challenge and encourage me. We are still learning a lot about one another, but it continually gets better as we continually open up and are vulnerable with one another.

Monday, December 7, 2009


Winter makes me think of santification. When we go through those seasons when we feel so distant from God and from others, like the cold chill of that north wind when it hits your neck because you forgot your scarf in the rush of the morning. The long dark nights make me think of the times we spend in agony longing for more of Him begging and pleading and seem to have no response. But then occasionally, like the falling of the snow, there is refreshment a response, although sometimes hard to swallow, still its something, he is refining and purifying us. The dreary days seem so much like the days when we are under heavy attack and are very aware of it and fighting back, oh but oh good the rest is when we rest in the Lord and take hold of the peace he gives. The stars seem so much brighter this time of year, small simple reminders of His goodness!! But the spring time comes and the sun stays up longer, the flowers bloom and it gets a little warmer. The fruits of your labor show you glimpses of themselves, you are captivated by the Lord and lavished in his love and you recognize it, just like the warmth of the sun on your cheeks. What a beautiful season that winter is, while it may be hard, it is one of equipping and preparation. A season that really shows where your heart truly lies. ...
just wait for the snow...

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Worship while I am waiting

I must live for him!
In the desert and in the garden, I must live a life of worship for him!
I cannot do this with out Him.
Why do we try?
Why do we live as slaves when we are free?
What are you living for?
A full life is not a long life... what is your purpose?
The joy of the Lord is my strength.
He opens my mouth and I sing his praise.
I have to praise him!
How can I not praise him?!!
For him and for him alone!
I AM IN LOVE!!! through thick and thin...

Monday, August 17, 2009

Do you know the way you move him?

I was posed this question yesterday morning and well, I spent a lot of time contemplating it. Later that day I heard this song that talked about waiting on the Lord. Then the Lord totally blessed me with fellowship of some people who love Jesus so passionately, you can see it in there face.
I want to worship HIM in my speach, my relationships, my life. Every part of me for HIM!

love always

Saturday, August 15, 2009

The Lord Gives and Takes Away

So over the past 8 months I had slowly lost my smile...
It no longer had meaning, or depth, just a cover, to avoid the hard questions.
A lack of sincerity, a loss of overflowing joy...
My true smile is back
Jesus gave me my smile back and he used a lovely lady at target to reveal this to me
HE IS MY JOY!!! Through thick and thin
Smile...cause i thought of you today... cause Jesus gave you to me. :D
love always


Tuesday, August 4, 2009

It's come...

For a year and a half, I've been waiting for this day to come. I know this is a step in the journey that i can't miss. I have been anticipating this move for quite some time now.
Over the past 8 months, it's been quite the challenge. I've been sick more often than not, and i mean the kind of sick when you can't even make it out of bed. I've dealt with plenty more than i would have chosen. However, now i look back and wouldn't trade any of it. The Lord has taught me so much. He has pushed me and refined me.
I love HIM! I truly love HIM! This life is pointless without him!
I can't wait to see my friends, although saying goodbye to family is hard. Especially my ninny and lil nephew. But more than anything, I look foreward to serving the one I love. To pouring out this love he has given me to those who need it.
Love always

Friday, July 24, 2009

The Secret of our heart

We have a hidden secret. Not many will speak of this deeply rooted desire. It runs our life. We try and satisfy this desire in so many different ways. Depending on your past, your heart, your surroundings, the people and things that influence you most depends on what you turn to for this satisfaction.
Some turn to food, others to every person of the opposite gender that they can get along with. Some turn into themselves and become hermits, while others cling for every bit of attention they can get a hold of.
It's the desire, the longing, the deeply rooted essential part of life. with out it we don't function as we should.
Love, true love, satisfies all. Love lasts, no more short term, quick fixes. Love is everlasting. Love overflows. Love abounds. Love never fails.
Cling to Love. Love will pull you out of the worst slump.
Love speaks truth. Love is truth. Love is life. Love is more beautiful than words can describe.


Monday, July 20, 2009


Staring out the window as we make the typical weekend trip to Amarillo, life irolls like a movie through my head. Decisions that have been made, refining times, mourning, celebration, anticipation, dread, friendships, they all run through my head. Analyzing my life, checking my heart. I find that over and over again, Christ lives. He reaches out and changes me. Fullfillment and love are found only in Him. That of the flesh, I despise, yet do things I don't want to, waste time, get distracted. Learning little by little, seeking Him day after day. Each step takes me a little closer, makes me a little less and Him even bigger.
I'm captivated by his grace and mercy. His enduring promises. His truth. His compassion especially on His children as seen in the old testament towards the Isrealites. This I want. I want to go farther, to be pushed harder.
His great love! This I chose to pursue!
The cross, the life, the defeat of death, the LOVE, the truth, do we really understand the greatness of this moment in history, when everythng turned upside down?
May we not continue to live under the law and not in Christ. But may we live in truth, in grace, in CHRIST! Don't take the cross in vain, its not by works, but by faith. Even though the fruit or lack of will show your true pursuit, it reveals a portion of your heart.
Christ spoke blatant truth to the all, he was compassionate toward those who were cast out, avoided, abandoned. He rewareded the faithful. He did it all in love, for he was fully God, God is love. He was also fully man, able to relate to us all.
He was so thankful always to the Father. He finished the race, sprinting.
May we follow in His steps, oh how I long too!!

Thursday, July 2, 2009


I am so thankful for the friends God has blessed me with. Their fellowship is so sweet. They are so encouraging!

Well I move to DFW in 5 weeks. And my mom is totally blessing me with her car. Jesus is so good!!!!

I am so in love with the Lord...Jesus the sweetest name I know!!!

Have a wonderful day!

Love Always

Monday, June 22, 2009

A life of complete obedience and faithfulness. One full of love, joy and hope. To see light in the dark. This is what I want my life to be like.
Jesus is so truly amazing! Lovely in every way. Majestic!!!
One step, one day at a time.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

His goodness tonight!

So after work today I spent the day with my parents. After lunch we went to run some errands then my mom and I went shopping. It was such a blast and much needded! After we were done shopping we met up with my stepdad. He asked to talk to me (this I must say was a scary moment) I am so used to being in trouble every time we had a serious talk. Anyways that wasnt it at all. He apologized for so much. We had a good talk and it was much needed! He told me not all guys are like him(referring to someone else). Anyways it was exactly what i needed to hear. With everything that has gone on recently it was something that definitely needed to be said.
He is so good!

Friday, May 1, 2009


So I don't know about you but I love my Momma! I have been thinking a lot about her recently and just how thankful I am that I have the Momma I do. You see my Momma is so beautiful. Her love pours out so plentifully! Can I tell you a bit about my Momma? But first let me say, you have to get to know her! You have to hang around and let her know that you love her. She fears rejection, if you knew someone from our past you'd know why.
My Momma taught me how to be strong. She is the strongest woman I know or can even think of. She raised three kids as a single mom going to college full time, two full time jobs and never stopped fighting for what she believed we kids deserved.
My Momma taught me to not judge people by the way they act or look but instead to love them and to choose to be thier friend. Once you get past the wall we all have built up for our so called "safety" you can see that everyone needs a friend. For that reason, my brothers and I were never in the cool crowd. When you took the first look at our friends you'd prolly just look away and move on, but I wouldn't have traded them for anything!
My Momma has always believed in us. She showed us that our dreams are possible and to not hold back!
My Momma taught me the importance of family. I have a very tight knit family and because of my Papa we learned that in a family you serve one another, you pick the other up when you are down. You hold them accountable. YOU ALWAYS POINT THEM TOWARD GOD AND PRAY!!!!
My Momma showed me that our life is not ours to take. Everything is in the Lord's hands.
My Momma taught me to be a completely independent person. She also taught me, that I must be completely dependent on the Lord God Almighty!
She continually reminded me that my Daddy will never forsake me, or hurt me.
She helped me know joy.
My Momma is amazing. I wouldn't trade her for the world and all that is in it!
My Momma taught me to look for the best in everyone, but to not turn a blind eye to the worst, but instead help them leave it behind.
My Momma taught me that even when no one understands, and no one wants you to do it, go for what you know you have to do.
My Momma, held me in my trials and times of pain, she was joyful when I was, when I cryed myself to sleep she was right there. When I was sick, she never left my side. She knows my good and my bad, she knows my past and present. She knows my dreams. She knows me. She is my Momma! I am so thankful for her! My Momma is so truly beautiful! My Momma is the best. She is not perfect but she is mine! I love her so much more than I could ever describe!
Thank you Momma, for all you've done and all that you continue to do!

Love always...
Your baby girl...I took a little while to get here, but I came when God knew you'd need me to love! Thank you for all the hard years, for all the good ones and for the ones to come! Thank you for never letting go of me and for fighting for me when all hope seemed lost. Thank you for holding on when you thought you could no longer press on. You've changed my life! I'll never be able to describe how much you mean to me.
Alyssa Danielle.

Monday, April 27, 2009

A little update...more like a lil of everything...hope it's not too long...

This is a little update about my life and all that is going on...
Physically: I just have to laugh because the craziest things happen to me, anyways. I am really happy to get my wisdom teeth out in 2 weeks. Sometime around that same week I will also have my gallbladder removed. I am perfectly healthy to organs that just decide to stop working and there is nothing you could do to prevent it.

Mentally: Drained, but well. I have finals this next week and a half and due to other things I am just tired of analyzing every detail of a situation...what happend? I never used to analyze this much! I well, I won't anymore, not near as much starting now!

Emotionally: Full and very expressive, at least when I don't hold it back. I am very glad to announce that I am fully feeling and expressing! I am not numb, or suppressing my emotions. I don't have to make them up, or make myself sound like what I should be feeling! YAY! I am exhausted at the end of each day, but hey I gave my all.

Relationally: Well finding who my root friends are and which one are branches and which ones are leaves. Trusting the Lord, for his plan is perfect!

Financially: Daddy is taking care of me! He is providing all I need!!! Thank you Mr. Stoner for reminding me!

The joy of the Lord is my strength. In Him I take refuge. He walks with me through thick and thin. He never stops teaching me. He dances with me! I am amazed at his glorious splendor! He is Lord of all. He created you and me and loved us before the world ever began. He is glorious! Worthy of all our praises! His peace endures. He is faithful! These statments ring true again and again. :D I am weak, but He is strong. In Him we are holy and righteous! It's about time we start living like it! No doubts! For we must boast about this, that we know the Father and He knows us and our names are written in the book of life!

In this desert, I have found the greatest friend of all! I have seen a glimpse of this glorious splendor of a savior who died so Father could be glorified. A life that was spent bringing hope and loving the unloveable. Speaking the hard things. Only by the Holy Spirit can we understand what He meant when He wrote those life giving words in the Book of Life. For freedom we are set free. In this desert, here in the presence of the Lord, I find all that I've been searching, longing, yearning for. I am captivated. I am satisfied.
No this is not an easy season by any means! However, I am loved, cherished, delighted in, blessed, protected and joyful! I have a lot of hard things each and every day to face, but in this desert I see the garden in the distance. I take joy in the Father. I am held in arms that comfort, heal and lead me. I am taken care of. I am completely dependent on a man that I have never seen. I am held in the arms of my Daddy that I have never seen. He whispers to me, here in this desert, and I've never even seen his face. I am healing. He is glorious! He riegns in us!
Everything I have ever searched for in a man, in an earthly relationship I have found in my beloved. I wear a ring that is more true now, in this desert then ever before.
It's all a choice, a simple ask of help from the Creator himself.
In the pain there is healing, In your name there is meaning.
Tears, a sign of healing.
I still seeking after him! For my soul craves for Him!
I have been blessed with the best friends I could ever ask for! They've been there through the good and the bad. They saw me at my weakest, at my worst, at my best and everywhere in between. Yet they are always there, for we share the same Father!
See you all soon!
Love always...

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


So life is just pure chaos, I think I have just about decided! I am doing really well right now. Depending on the Lord, and He is faithful always!
God is my protector, the one in whom I take refuge! I depend on Him for everything!
So some crazy things have happend recently and my mom just called me not too long ago to let me know of some more stuff that is happening. Ugh! Is all I have to say.
God is in control, and I am going to seek him for wisdom and guidance, and protection.
I am so thankful for all of you!!!
May God give you the peace I have come to know and live in in every situation!
Love always...

Thursday, April 9, 2009

So yesterday was an interesting day to say the least. It was a day that went well and that I enjoyed quite a bit.
Some stuff went on today. I gave some things to the Lord today and a challenge came up.
Well when it came up and the first thing that came out was
Dear Jesus,
My heart is broken. Can you fix it?

He has been so faithful and he is my healer in all things.
I'm not completely fixed, but I've got God and he is all I need.

So this post is kind of a healing in the process. Glory be to God for all that he is doing!!!

Love always...

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

He is faithful!
He is good!
In Him I trust!
He is my healer!
He is the one I love!
He is my Daddy!
He is my best friend!
He is my beloved!
He is my strength!
He is EVERYTHING to me!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Isaiah 12
Ezekial 16
Ezekial 36 & 37
Hosea 6 & 8
Naham 1:7
Matthew 21:28-22:14
Long night
It's over!
Thank you Jesus for your protection!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thats been my life for almost the past 24 hours.
God does protect his children!!!! don't ever doubt that!!!

Love always...

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

I'm rather ill...

So my body has been quite tempermental with me lately. I try and give it enough sleep and it seems that I can never quite match up. I've been having lots of pain in my stomach and lots of other symptoms that I won't mention because I don't want you to worry. Yesterday I spent the whole day getting blood work done and visiting with my doctor. My body has decided to let everything go wrong all at the same time. Well needless to say, I have been given some medicine to take care of a couple of the issues. But as for the pain, perseverence is what I have to do for now. Turns out, majority of my abdomin pain, if it gets worse(another words, if it keeps hurting more and more everyday like it has been for the past two weeks) surgery will be the cure. And right now surgery sounds pretty good considering everything.
God will heal me I know this and I truly believe it, he's done it several other times for me. I just don't know if he is going to use my doctor or not. I'm so glad God helps out the medical field in so many ways. Oh how I miss seeing the Lord work in patients lives and bodies like I did when I worked at the hospital.
Anyways, I'm off to bed, I have a huge migraine and am hurting pretty bad right now, so sleep here I come. Sweet dreams...till next time

He is always faithful, through the worst of times and through the best of times.

Love always...

Friday, March 27, 2009

A Turn Around

Last night was the begining of a turn around, a changing point, a few more faces in my dream about life.
It continued throughout today through conversations with a my brother who is so far away, a sister in South Carolina, a best friend in California, and it all started last night with my sister who has overcome so much in her life, faces what has happend every waking moment, and has scars that tell a beautiful story of God's grace and mercies upon her life. I was simply reminded of all the things I learned last year, the changes that happend in my life, the person that I am in Christ. I had started to take it all in vain, falling back into someone I refuse to be!
I am no longer filled with pessimism but JOY
I am no longer overwhelmed by sadness but seeing the HOPE
I am no longer listening to the lies and deception, but clinging to TRUTH
I am choosing to SEEK
I choose to LOVE
I choose to TRUST you
I choose LIFE
The Lord has shown me so much today and I am so thankful for HIM, for His mercies which are new every morning, and the grace that he has upon my life. For He knew my days before I ever existed.
Today is going in a journal that someone very dear gave to me at the end of last year. For it is a point in time, that things clicked and a portion of a dream that I had last year came to pass.
The faithfulness of the LORD!! Praise be to the King of kings and Lord of lords!
His steadfast love endures forever!!!!!!

Love always...


Sunday, March 22, 2009

? Is missing your friends pitying yourself?
I miss my best friends so much and my lil bro!
Ok there I said it... I was completely honest, now I'm going to bed, and Jesus is going to give me sweet dreams and be with me the whole time, cause he loves me too much to let me go!!!!

Love always....

Mirror game with myself

Well, I won't tell you what I see, right now.
However this is how I feel.

I am so blessed to have seen my parents this weekend! They blessed me so much. I was so happy that I got to go see them for a little bit!!

You know how sometimes you just get the lonely feeling...well it's still here. I know I'm not alone, this is a season that will pass! I am loved and cherished by my creator, I am never alone!!!

I had the worst longing ever today!!! It scared me so bad!!! I wanted to just be held by my biological father, Eddie, which NEVER happens. If you even know the slightest bit about him, you know how scary that is!!! However, I totally know now what it was, I truly just want to rest between Daddy's (the Father) shoulders, to sit in his lap and feel his heart beat as I just lay there listening... pitter patter pitter patter... His love just overflowing, peace beyond comprehension.

I am well. No worries :)

Have a wonderful week, may the Lord clothe you in His strength, joy and peace. May your friendship with Him grow even deeper this week.

love always...

Monday, March 16, 2009

Faithful is the Lord God Almighty!

Monday night I was babysitting three little friends of mine. The two older ones had gone to sleep. Karter, the youngest at 2, doesn't normally go to sleep for anyone except his dad. This is what happend. I was in the chair writing a letter, Karter was on the ground playing with his truck. He looked up at me and the conversation is as follows:
Karter: Issa
Me: Yes Karter
Karter: Jesus LOVES me!
Me: Thats right Karter He loves you so much
Karter: Issa, He will never leave me. Look He is here right now. SEE!
Me: Thats so true, Never forget that!
Karter: He loves me so much he is always with me. He refuses to leave me because he loves me so much!

I needed to hear Jesus tell me this so badly, he told me through the mouth of a precious red headed 2 year old boy. At that point Karter asked to sit in my lap so i put him in my lap and he went right to sleep. That was this little ones purpose that night. No wonder Jesus said let them come to me. The children truly do know Jesus! They know that GOD truly is GOD!!!
God is so faithful!
Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty
Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty
Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty

Oh Lord look at the flowers, how they bloom to show you the beauty you have made, O child of mine, I gave them to you, to remind you of my love, mercies that are new every morning!

My soul can't dance without you O LORD!
You give me the very breath I breathe.

There is a love as strong as death, jealousy demanding as the grave, waters cannot quench this love!

My heart is yours...!

The Joy of the Lord is my strength.

You are ever faithful LORD!

Friday, March 13, 2009

Confirmation...over and over... and more...

Well this morning I was reading in Matthew, I am so stuck in that book right now, and I enjoy it! Anyway, I was reading in chapter 10 or 11, I'm pretty sure it was 10. Jesus was talking about how mothers will be turned against thier daughters, father's against thier sons, in-laws turned against one another, but how the Lord is going to use this. Bring the father's to the daughter, the sons to the mothers and the in-laws to one another. Then it talked about how we must love the Lord so much more than we love our parents or friends. That really hit me hard. You see i'm moving to Arlington in May and no one really in my family is for that except my oldest brother, but he'll be there as well. It hurts my mom the most, and me and my mom are like best friends. She isn't supporting me at all in this and said she won't help me period. Which I understand, but can't explain, cause you'd have to hear about my whole life, and I'm pretty sure you don't want to read it. If you want to know just call and ask, and i'll tell you in a few minutes. Anyways, it hurts that I'm hurting my mom in this. So many lies are flying at her like: I'm betraying her. I'll never speak or see her again. I'm moving to find happiness and not out of obedience. and so on...
Well last week a friend of mine told me about this verse and it's been on my mind. I came across it accidentally. After I read it I knew that the decision about moving was the right one, even though it's going to be hard. Thank you Jesus for your faithfulness and confirmation!
I'm learning so much about the Lord's faithfulness! He will never let you down!! He might do something that you don't want him to do, but he will never leave you or betray you or lie to you, for that is the very opposite of who He is. He always answers your prayers, he sees every tear that is shed, and every pain inflicted.
I must say I miss my friends a lot, but I don't feel so lonely. Jesus, I know he is with me and that is all I need. He has taken away the lonliness I've felt for so long. I still feel it occasionally like this afternoon, but I remember the very promise that God gave me! I'm finding my need of affection in Him, instead of people.
Just in case you don't know, a friend of mine, and if you are reading this, you probably know him as well. Tried out for So You Think You Can Dance today and I think it goes on till tomorrow, he is in Tenessee. This just reminds me to live life with no regrets! There is a song that you prolly know, especially if you know me, and one part goes:
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO MAINTAIN THESE REGRETS when I think about HE LOVES US.
So the things in your past that might be regrets, think about the lessons you've learned and the good that has come from that, you wouldn't be where you are right now if it weren't for that! Take chances! Live a life of risk taking faith. (i'm preaching to the choir right now, not to you.)
Sorry for all the blabbing.
Have a blessed day! No matter who you are, reading this right now... seriously, be blessed by the Lord. He gave you that breath you just took.
I love you, by the grace of God, I love you! He gave love to me!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

And we wait...what do you we do?

He made the lame walk and the dumb talk
He opened blinded eyes to see
that the sun rises on His time...
The world waits
while His heart aches....

Why does his heart ache?
Because of the great love he has for His children and yet how few of them know his love! So many are in utter darkness with no hope, cause they don'e know how to look up.
Are you just waiting?
Are you doing something while you wait?
Prayer has been on my heart for over a month now. I was just visiting some friends of mine this last week who live in east and north Texas, man o man how we saw how vital prayer is!
I'm still working on praying as much as I want to every single day. I fall so often. But how the Lord's grace is so good! He is faithful in all things!
I encourage you to pray without ceasing, have a conversation with the Lord all the time, let it be the very foundation of your day. There is a direct corelation between your prayer life and the intamacy that you have with the LORD!!!
Is your heart breaking for His children?

And we wait...what do you we do?

Monday, February 23, 2009

I don't even know if anyone reads this but that doesn't matter...

I am excited about the begining of march. I get to see my best friends for the first time since we went our seperate ways in december. They are such a blessing! I get to introduce my best friend from Dalhart to these friends, who are some how, in a miraculous sort of way, closer than friends.
I'm starting to look at things in a much different way than before. I am so thankful to find a body of believers that allow God to move. They are a family. So welcoming, they are Jesus to everyone they meet, even outside the building.
Me and Rachel had our first full out verbal fight. The reason: we don't want to other one to get hurt anymore. We ourselves would rather be hurt than to see the other one in any pain. We are both learning trust. Just in much different ways. Boy how both of us have changed over the last year.
God is truly good! It means so much more than it sounds. This english language can't even begin to explain the beauty of the Lord.
Psalm 119 is so true! So applicable, I'm starting to learn what was meant when these verses were writen. I am especially fond of the last verse of Psalm 119(vs. 176). then go to Matthew 18:10-14. I really like the book of Matthew... you should read it sometime.
Questions are always running through my mind right now about the scriptures, once one question is answered, like 10 more come up!
The more I get to know Him, the more I don't know. :D
I am a great sinner who is in need of a mighty saviour, Jesus paid the high price for me! I was helpless and then rescued.
Food for thoughts....
-write criticism in the sand(like Jesus did with the adultress), carve praise in stone(like our names are in the book of Life.
-a healthy relationship is the union of two good forgivers
-it was in the moment of your worst sin that Christ died for you...thats the beauty of grace
-when you give your life to the Lord it doesn't take away your ability to sin, it takes away the possibility of enjoying it
-a short true though!
So this professor asks a guy if he thinks he can do 300 pushups in class in sets of ten, he normally does 200 a day, he agrees hesitantly when he is told he has a week till he'll need to do this. So a week later, the professor brings in donuts to class, exciting! He asks the 1st person do you want a donut, sure they respond, so he puts down a napkin and donut and tells the pushup man to do ten pushups to pay for this donut. The next person says they would like a donut when asked by the professor(they hadn't caught on yet), so the push up man does 10 more to pay for the donut. By the third person they catch on to what is happening, so when asked if he wants a donut the third person says no thank you. Professor says ok, grabs a napkin and donut and places it in front of the third person, sure enough push up man does 10 push ups to pay for the donut. Well this continues on and people passing by see that the class is getting free donuts so they start coming in and joining, well the class sees what is happening, after the pushup man has done about 280 pushups he starts shaking and the class starts yelling at people to not come in. Well, 360 pushups later, everyone has a donut in front of them, every one paid for with ten pushups. The professor says why not take the donut if it's already been paid for? It's the same thing with salvation. It's just sitting there, waiting for you to take a hold of it. It's already paid for. Just take the free gift.
hmmmm......why not?
Thank you Jesus!!!!

Saturday, February 21, 2009


Fight for them! Don't let an arguement tear you apart. Friendships are a blessing from the Lord. Talk to them face to face after an arguement, let them see your heart. I learned this today. It was hard. But I'm glad we talked!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Well I have found myself in love with someone.
It happend so quickly and it wasn't till I paused for a moment and looked back. I have fallen in love with this amazing man. He is so kind and gentle. He is strong and courageous. He is a mighty man of valor. He loves me unconditionally. Everytime I mess up he picks me up and helps me get going again. Everytime I need someone to hold me he does, until I fall asleep in his arms. He is so close yet so far away.
He is perfect in every way. I'm sure you'd love him too! He is the one I've always wanted. He is so much more than I could ever imagine. He sees me as beautiful and without flaw.
Yeshua is his name
Jehovah Jirah
Prince of Peace
King of Kings

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Humility of a child

Matthew 18:1-6
Mark 9:33-37
Luke 9:46-48
Who is the greatest?
Jesus. Who is like Jesus? This little boy who was just walking by. Why is he considered so great? Because of his humility. What is so special about his humility? He depended on the Lord. He didn't stay back because of feelings of unworthiness, nor did he run ahead to see what was next. He stayed with Jesus right there. Not wondering off or trying to do things on his own. He knew he needed this Savior. He trusted in the Lord knowing that he would not lead him astray, but instead walk him down a path of righteousness and holiness. A path of servanthood.
Jesus is so humble!
He depended on our Father for everything, for the water he drank, the food he ate, the clothes he wore, the money he needed to simply survive traveling. He knew he needed God, and he trusted him. All the way to death on a cross.
Now I have to ask myself the question. Do I trust God to lead me and take care of my every need? Do I trust him to lead me down the right path, even if it meant dying in a not so pleasant way? Do I trust? Am I humble? Do I depend on God for everything? Or do I try to do things on my own, because I was raised to be independent?
I would like to say that I am fully dependent for every need. I'm not sure I am. I'm trying to be. And I definitely was last year! So I know he provides. I need Him each and every day. His love, his truth, his teaching. I need him to hold me and to talk to everyday. I'm learning humbleness like that of a child.
Well I'm off to crawl in my Daddy's lap! Oh how I need one of his embraces right now! He gives the best hugs!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Broken in the desert

So i am going to start off with my step dad needs Jesus, he's rejected him so many times... I'm unsure of what to do but pray. He just lost his job and needs another one, he needs the Lord, his confidence and provisions, his promises... his faithfulness.... any ways
on to why i am writing this...

I need prayer!!! I am walking through a season of brokeness like I never have before. I am in the middle of the desert in a much different way. All has been stripped away. My friends are oh so far away. I don't know what a good hug is anymore (more like it's been so long I've almost forgotten what they are like). I feel so far, far from friendship and friends, far from God, far from family. Just far away.
I feel as though I've said goodbye to so many people to never talk to them again. I hate that, cause they are people I know I'm supposed to know for a long time. Well, or so I thought. It takes two to have a friendship. Right now I just need Jesus so desperately to grab a hold of me. I just want to collapse in His embrace. I want to walk down this path of brokeness, I do, I just need prayer is all.
Sorry, for sounding pitiful and like i'm doing horrible. Cause I am really doing quite well. I am learning to adjust to this new way of life. I am learning a lot about myself and about others and so much a bout God. My days are fine, just another day.
I just need Jesus...can you pray for me please!!! For healing grace strength and His embrace.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Through my Daddy's eyes

Step by step
you lead me
down a long and narrow road
you go before me

you take all the blows
you go after me
you take all the stabs
you guide my every breath
you take all the curses
you take all the lies
your leading me to life everlasting
all because you LOVE

You love the dandilions that I bring
You love my broken heart
You love my painful scars
You love my shattered dreams
You love my weakest moments
You love my forgotten memories
You love each flaw I have

Because in YOU

Dandilions turn to roses
Broken hearts are made new
Painful scars are completely wiped away
Shattered dreams become a beautiful reality
In the weakest moments it is then that I'm strong
Forgotten memories are my redemption stories
Flaws made perfect

In YOU i'm complete...
Thank you Daddy
for the sunrise every morning
the sunset every night
the blessings in between
lovely reminders of
your great love for me

Monday, January 12, 2009

None but Jesus

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored
When You call I won’t refuse
Each new day again I’ll choose
There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise
In the chaos, in confusion
I know You’re Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
When You call I won’t delay
This my song through all my days
All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope,
all of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord Forevermore
_Thank you Jesus for giving Hillsong the words to explain my heart right now! :D

Friday, January 9, 2009

Before I go to heaven

There are so many things that I want to do before I go to heaven...
dreams that i'm waiting to come true.
What are some of yours?

Wednesday, January 7, 2009


What breaks your heart?
Who/what are you investing in?

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Isaiah 43

But now thus says the LORD,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I
will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not
overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall
not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I give Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in exchange for your life.
Fear not, for I am with you;
I will bring your offspring from the east,
and from the west I will gather you.
I will say to the north, Give up,
and to the south, Do not withhold;
bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the end of the earth,
wveryone who is called by my name,
whom I created fro my glory,
whom I formed and made."

A simple text was sent to me last night...
We are HISso why are we so ashamed of calling him ours?
You know in those tough moments and its awkward... everyone has them...
Is it because you are ashamed or afraid?
Life outside the HA is very different, you are surrounded by people who don't love the Lord in the same way, many don't know him, or hate him or serve another master.
In order to love you have to KNOW God and admit that you are his....
Matthew 10:32-33
So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven.

He gave us the right to be call sons and daughters... what an honor
John 1:12-13
But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.

Meditate on HIS holiness....

I love you all!!

Monday, January 5, 2009


So yesterday I went to a church with a couple friends of mine, who I haven't seen in over a year and a half. I was excited but also had high hopes of finding a church family. I walked into the 11 o'clock service, to find myself surrounded and packed in to a very full service. Worship began and I felt such a peace... one that I haven't felt since leaving the HA. I looked around at a couple thousand people singing and praising God with all that they had. Young and old alike. We sang songs that are oh so familiar to me... because I sang them all the time with friends. Then the best part of all....
A simple reminder off all that Christ did for me and that he has proposed to me... That i am a bride... a part of the bride of Christ. That even when I turn to other lovers, knowingly or unknowingly, he still comes back for me and makes me pure... I am forgiven.
Since being home, quiet times are harder to find time for... more like I've been allowing my self to get distracted. Quiet times were happening just not like I want them too.
Christ drew me back to the secret place in the middle of the crowd. He blessed me with a family that I don't know yet, but will get to know over the next few months and I know that there is something here for me that I am supposed to learn. What an opportunity!
a simple reminder of love
something that can't be explained
Someone who cares so much for you that even when you turn even for a brief moment, reaches down and draws you back in the way that is most effective to you...
for me...
sweet surrender

Friday, January 2, 2009

I have great plans for you!
The Lord keeps telling me this over and over again. Then this morning something new. I have something for you Alyssa, something so much more than you could ever imagine or dream of. Know that dreams do come true, just continue to seek after me.
I found out that something will happen this year that I've wanted to happen for so long. I don't know what that is, but i'll find out and let you know.
Remember that the Lord has great plans for you! He tells us in Jeremiah of these plans and the Lord keeps all of his promises, I haven't found a single time when the Lord hasn't fullfilled a promise yet.
Plans, dreams, promises, reality... all go together... HOW AMAZING!
Dreams do come true.
As Daddy's girl I long for so many dreams to come true in my life... many already have and many more will. How awesome my Daddy is!!
Dreams come true!!
One day I will walk on clouds and slide down the rainbow and be lost in the stars! :D

The Beattitudes

So I was reading Matthew 5:1-12 and just really thinking about the attitude and the reward and what they really are. I am amazed by the simplicity and the great reward. That of which we don't deserve, but with God's grace and mercy it is what we will recieve.
Matthew 5
The Beatitudes 1Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, 2and he began to teach them saying: 3"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 5Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. 6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. 7Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. 8Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. 9Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. 10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

The Lord is so good!

Thursday, January 1, 2009


I never really realized how much I enjoy letters till today...
I was missing my family and a few others, more than usual today, I found a box of letters from them today and decided to read them, all the sudden it was like I was there with them. What a blessing... I think I am going to start writing more letters.
Thank you all so much for the encouraging notes and letters... what a blessing! :D

Life is foriegn in the norm

Well, I graduated from Teen Mania's Honor Academy on December 13th and moved home for a few weeks. This weekend I am moving to my Ninny's house in Canyon. I am so excited to start college again and get a routine going. Life outside the HA has been so foriegn. I was used to being surrounded by people who are constantly challenging each other to go deeper and to be refined by the Lord in every area of thier life. I was surrounded by friends who knew your mood just by looking at you for a split second or hearing you say hey. The brief amount of time that I spent there has totally transformed my life. I attended the HA as a January intern which has its ups and downs and is pretty much two internships in one. Toward the end of your year you say bye to the people that you love so dearly and say hello to complete strangers and you find yourself completely vulnerable to complete strangers. My life has changed immensely since January 4, 2008 till now. I went to the HA in search of something more and found so much more!!!
I went before the Lord totally broken and completely disconnected. I had a hard heart with a soft cushion. I knew how to wear a mask that made it seem like all was well. I wore it so well I began to believe it for myself. Life was fine... I was content with complacency and apathy. I needed a Daddy and a new heart.
Well I was put into a core whose name was Restoration and our core verse was Ezekial 36:26. Oh man the things that the Lord showed me through that verse are too many to count or explain right now. I found myself completely stripped and alone in the middle of my year. My friends were all gone on vacation or mission trips. Oh how the Lord used isolation.
Will you seek me when you have no one else?
Will you come after me when you are surrounded by your friends?
Will you pursue me when you haven't heard me in 3 months?
Are you desperate for me?
How desperate are you?
Will you listen to me in the wilderness?
Will you let me take your broken heart and give you a new heart?
Will you allow me to mold you into the Proverbs 31 woman that you so long to be?
Will you take what i give you and obey me?
You want my heart? Will you be faithful in the small things?
What will you do when no one else is looking?
Will you step out?
These were just a few of the questions that the Lord asked me in this time. I faced each one with much consideration and chose to chase after a man who had captured my heart, after a man whos face I had never seen. I chose to seek satisfaction in a lover who never fails. I found myself in the arms of a Daddy who would never leave me nor foresake me.
I was blessed with so many friends who had become closer than family in just a few brief months.
I found love and I have chosen to never let go of it! To have joy in all situations. To walk out in faith, even when I don't know why I am doing something. I learned to trust the Lord and the people he had placed in my life.
In the midst of chaos, pain, devastation, hardship, celebration, new life, friends and strangers I have found the greatest love of all and I know so little of it. The more I know the more I see that the less I know.
I am now living outside this enviroment, back where majority of people call life is normal and find myself as a sojourner, much like the apostles. Things continually become more and more real. The scriptures are so encouraging and a wonderful way to live life. I am excited for the next adventure at college.
Sure I miss my friends more than I ever thought possible and I've moved to several different cities in my life and said goodbye to many friends. But these friends are friends that I am living life with. We are connected by our love for the Lord. He has bound us together.
Well thats just a little of what has gone through my mind today....
Life is good... filled with challenges... but I am blessed. :D