Old self vs. New self

Yesterday I went to church with my family at a church that a few friends and us started. It is a branch off of Hillside Christian Church in Amarillo, TX. You know the church that did the cardboard testimonies... well... this is the original church that did those and they still do on a regular basis. Well I was at one that my best friend, Rachel, her dad is the pastor. So going there is always a little strange, I know this family sometimes better than my own I feel like sometimes. You see I used to be over there all the time and would go to there house without them even being there. Needless to say I know even the skeletons in the closet. Yet I know that the Lord has most certainly called this family as the pastors of our quickly growing church. Dad (the pastor) continually pours out wisdom to me and encourages me to push forward, he calls me Esther most days, cause he says I'm a modern day Esther... not quite sure what that looks like, but hey I trust him. Mom (Rachel's mom) is so sweet and caring, yet really outspoken. As a mother of 4 she is a strong, happy, joyful, God fearing woman. Her children praise her and her husband adores her. Mom pushes me hard every time I see her. She asks me the hard questions and helps me in times of uncertainty. Rachel... well there is so much I could say about Rach.... but I'm going to leave it at we are best friends and we know that the Lord is the one who formed our friendship and nothing can break our bond as sisters. We know this, because we've gone through the hardest things you can ever go through as friends.

Well Dad was talking and he was talking about Luke 2 and the man who circumcised Jesus how he was a rearward looking man... once he had seen the Christ he was ready to die... literally. Then the prophetess Anna how she was so joyful that redemption that she had been longing for finally came, she was a forward looking woman. Dad asked if we were focusing on the past or looking forward to the future. Are we living in consolation or for eternity? This helped me realize how I had been holding on so tightly to certain things in the past so tightly, some good some bad. Then God led me to a place of surrender. To a place of letting go of the past and walking forward. While this may be hard in lots of ways, I am already victorious in Christ, and I am going to hold onto this!! I am holding on to Jesus, to let go of the past and look forward to the future!!! And live for today!!

:D

Isaiah 61

Well today has been a ... to say the least a painful day. I asked the Lord to help me overcome not being as vulnerable as I want to with my house and to speak up like I do with the rest of my friends. Well he brought up something from the past that I had totally forgotten about and I supressed it for over 10 years... UNHEALTHY!!! Well I've been working through this for the past 15 to 16 hours and well the Lord is so good. He has helped me forgive, and see why it pertains to what I asked of him. I am so thankful and so blessed to have the roommates i do! As I just processed through all of this with them and am so blessed that they listened and prayed over and with me.

My roommate Brooke then reminded me of my passion... ISAIAH 61. She told me it's because of the life I've lived that I will have the testimony to speak to the broken hearted and love them and help bring healing. That I will walk in the authority of the Lord and see things come to fruition. This is where the fight is worth it. Even though not everyone will receive Jesus, or choose to walk away from the world, the sacrifice will be worth it. The sacrifice will be worth it to fight for my husband and my children. The tears and the pain will be worth it to see them grow in the Lord. Laughter and joy will come, for he turns our mourning into dancing!

Isaiah 61... is and will be my life story... all for HIS glory!!!

Faithfulness and Answered Prayers

So the past several days have been to say the least challenging. Some things happened with one of my roommates, and well spiritual attacks came from all corners. Every one of us was attacked in one way or another. We fought hard, cried and prayed a lot. Continuously for just over a week. Well the Lord answered our prayers. While its still been hard, we have victory in the Lord. We are warriors for one another. We've been learning a lot about what its going to be like to fight for our husband and kids one day. While things have not been easy, it has been such a blessing to be surrounded and loved by the roommates I have. They continually challenge and encourage me. We are still learning a lot about one another, but it continually gets better as we continually open up and are vulnerable with one another.

Winter

Winter makes me think of santification. When we go through those seasons when we feel so distant from God and from others, like the cold chill of that north wind when it hits your neck because you forgot your scarf in the rush of the morning. The long dark nights make me think of the times we spend in agony longing for more of Him begging and pleading and seem to have no response. But then occasionally, like the falling of the snow, there is refreshment a response, although sometimes hard to swallow, still its something, he is refining and purifying us. The dreary days seem so much like the days when we are under heavy attack and are very aware of it and fighting back, oh but oh good the rest is when we rest in the Lord and take hold of the peace he gives. The stars seem so much brighter this time of year, small simple reminders of His goodness!! But the spring time comes and the sun stays up longer, the flowers bloom and it gets a little warmer. The fruits of your labor show you glimpses of themselves, you are captivated by the Lord and lavished in his love and you recognize it, just like the warmth of the sun on your cheeks. What a beautiful season that winter is, while it may be hard, it is one of equipping and preparation. A season that really shows where your heart truly lies. ...

Snow...

just wait for the snow...