The life of small hands, a big heart and a burning desire to see the world know LOVE in an intimate way... And the adventures and life lessons along the way.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

All is well, with my soul

When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot
Thou hast me to say

This song has been on my mind all day. I couldn't help but to sing it. As I was at work today, I kept singing and pondering different things in my life right now.
Over the year a lot has happened. I have had many emotional and spiritual lows, as well as numbness. Yet the Lord has kept me alive(spiritually) and my heart yearning for Him, even when I had no idea what to do in order to seek after Him. Through some rough situations, the Lord my God protected, provided and sustained me. I knew He was the one taking care of my every need, every time I looked at my bank account showed me and reminded me HE IS FAITHFUL, even when we are unfaithful(2 Timothy)
My heart breaks for children without families, or in broken families. It breaks for women who have been enslaved and sold for a price so someone can be temporarily satisfied physically. It breaks for those who don't know Jesus, and don't know His amazing love. I long for justice and yet I long for people to know Christ more. Love saved us from ourselves, when we could not save us(and we still can't.) God's love showed me his tangibility when we can't tangibly touch him. O how so many are stuck in darkness and do not know. But JESUS lives! His truth is living and active. He is patient, so that all may have a chance to come to know him(John). By faith we stand in confidence of this(Hebrews 11) and take each step even when we don't know the outcome.
Noah built the arc, out of holy fear of God. He probably never saw rain, but he knew God does what he promises. So came the flood and a new beginning(Hebrews 11)(Genesis). So why do so many times I want the answer before the step is taken? I think for me it is assuredness, fear that it won't work out. But God is God. And He is everything I need.
So last year a sweet friend offered to buy me a plane ticket to Rome for a missions trip, I had gotten a few friends and we were preparing to buy the tickets. And a sudden almost shout shook my body(not a literal shout, more like God getting my attention hard core) and I knew it wasn't time yet. So the trip to Rome has been postponed till further notice. My heart longed so bad to go and minister to the gypsies and hopefully be used by God to plant seeds in lives, for Him to transform them. But all my dreams came crashing down, while it was really hard, I came through. I knew God had a purpose and I had to trust Him.
Then most recently I knew, I just knew that Ethiopia was where I was supposed to go this May, especially since it was everything that my heart breaks for, so I started raising funds, but I am currently in limbo of whether I will be able to be ticketed, I won't know till tomorrow morning. I need $2,000 and we were supposed to meet the 50% deadline Wednesday to be ticketed. I hope that my rep is able to force my ticket through so I can finish raising the funds. But everything is up in the air right now. The longing is so strong and fierce to go. To go spread God's word. Share his love with people.
I know this is selfish but I feel like a little girl whose dreams will never come true, no matter what. I have so many doubts coming up and so many questions. Yet peace I have for I know, I know God is faithful, and his plan is greater than anything I could ever imagine. It's not about me, or about what I want. It is about God. It is about God who is to be praised and glorified always. He is worthy of all praise and honor. So I sing
The more I seek you
The more I find you
The more I find you
The more I love you

I want to sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hands
Lay back against you and breathe
Feel your heart beat
Your love is so deep
It's more than I can stand
I melt in your peace
It's overwhelming

I know God is faithful. And so it is Him I seek. To see Him glorified. He is worthy of praise. I trust him. He is all I need. And with Jesus I have all I need.
To God be the glory forever and ever, Amen.

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