I only wish I could explain what is going on in my heart... soon...soon I'll let you know!!!

continue to love...allow the grace and love of the Father to fill you... you are going to need His strength today!

And now for something completely different...

So yesterday everyone but Em was home and so we were discussing living arrangments as Em has asked to have her own room. (which therefore puts me in an odd perdicerment). So after trying to figure something out where no one is really put out or anything...I let Em know that we have found a solutionn and we can move stuff around when she gets off... well...that didn't happen. So here I am the next day...still the same problem with a totally different attitude. Em is still in the same room as I. I no longer feel estranged from her...just a little hesitant. This seems to be where a lot of my relationships stand right now... and with people who are really close to me as well I might add. I have found myself overwhelmed with love for this inparticular friend of mine... something I wasn't sure I had for her. But by prayer this has happened...by the Fathers doing.
Our house has since decided to all go our seperate ways...Lynn gets married in a month...Brooke will move in with some girls from the prayer room...Em will get an apartment... Allie will move to Fort Worth... And I... well... we will have to wait and see. I know the Lord called me here to DFW for a reason and I am not going to walk away from that. He just has to provide a way, a better job and a place to live... So here I find myself in yet a familiar place... walking on faith for his COMPLETE provision. If you have known me for more that o say about 6 months you've prolly seen me make it by some miracle or another to pay the bills or pay for school. He always provides... just I never know where it is coming from.
The Lord gives and He takes away... there is this song that has been stuck in my head for the past day and it is by todd agnew... at one part it says... Lord won't you give me a little more cause my heart breaks for those kids and all i have is not even enough for me...the Lord responds...why don't you let me have the rest of what you have and I will give you some real wealth... well I know that's not money... it's eternal wealth...this is what I want... but can't quite seem to get there.
I'm reading this book right now... the Lord Almighty amazes me!!! I want to tell you all that he is showing me right now... so much revelation and realizing so much... :D AHHHHH!!!
But I'll have to leave it at this....
"they will no longer call me 'my master' but will call me 'my husband'"
I can no longer call me my master... but can't help but to call him my husband
REDEEMED!!!!!!!!!
Well...it's late and I have to open...so that means I won't get much sleep tonight...but thats ok...

Something is changing...

So much of my life I've seen good as far off dreams that'll never happen. As amazing things happened in my life it seemed all so surreal. Why would this happen to me of all people?! Then God showed me, not just told, who I am, who I really truly am. I began to see myself change, like I was watching my life in a movie or something. Then I no longer seemed distant from myself, but living here now. I thought my hearts desires could never be reached, but one by one they are being reached. Little by little small dreams I had became true. And now I see freedom, not from a distance but by walking in it. I no longer see things as paintings, but as real as my roommate sitting next to me now. The bride before the bridegroom is no longer just a poster on the wall, but understood and experienced.

The ladder grew, the colors came back, the storm more intense and yet more exciting, the items of the box no longer broken, the flowers blooming bright closer to the heart but farther in location. And so much more.

I hope you understand a least a little bit of this.

Something is changing, this is what I've wanted over the past year. I just didn't see what was happening in my heart. But now I see a small glimpse of what's coming. :D

2009

So looking back on what happened this past year has encouraged me to run harder and thank the Lord for his faithfulness. The year 2009 was by far not my favorite. It was filled with turmoil and pain as well as reunions and goodbyes. I am thankful for this past year and what the Lord has taught me through it. A little of what happened in 2009:

-Gained lots of wisdom from Ninny and parents

-My best friend meets her future husband... she just didn't know it at the time

-I am out on my own, away from HA

-Learn to dive deeper and wait upon the Lord

-God protects me and my family

-I become very ill, at the time for an unknown reason

-Soon realize how thankful I am for my lifelong friends

-Go on lots of adventures just me and Jesus

-Go on even more walks just Him and I

-Watch close friends go through really hard things

-Learn to intercede and to not stop praying

-Get even sicker, can't move most days due to pain

-Become lonely and feel overwhelmed by isolation

-Learn to defeat self pity and listen to Jesus

-Lots of trips to hospitals and way too many doctor visits!

-Have surgery the next day

-See and understand to much greater level of this quick fading life

-Brother gets married two days later

-Wisdom teeth removed a few days later

-Learn to do what seems like everything all over again

-Come to understand more of who I am in the Lord

-Move to DFW and learn to live on my own

-Seek the Lord

-Wondering if I'm growing at all

-God shows me how he has been changing me

-Depending fully on God

-Live with complete strangers who soon become sweet friends

-New season of life

-Lots of roadtrips and even more conversations

-Go to see family, understand that this is not our home

-Become even more thankful for people and don't like materials near as much

-Live, laugh, cry, love

-Gain friends, lose friends

-Made lots of mistakes, Jesus picked me up everytime

-Challenged, pushed, loved, prayed for, rejoiced with and cried with

-Learn to love deeper

-Learned to run harder

So here I go, so much more happened, the above is just pretty general. Here we go, lets go to the throne, the place where we belong...right into his arms!

2010 is a new season, though this past year was filled with pain and brokenness, I know throughout this next year it will prove worth it. A change is coming! I'm excited to see what is in store for us. This year is a year of change, victories, pursuing dreams and walking out in faith. I want to see miracles happen, dreams become reality, new life birthed, new journeys begin and experience LOVE most of all in a whole new way. To fall more in LOVE.