Well, I graduated from Teen Mania's Honor Academy on December 13th and moved home for a few weeks. This weekend I am moving to my Ninny's house in Canyon. I am so excited to start college again and get a routine going. Life outside the HA has been so foriegn. I was used to being surrounded by people who are constantly challenging each other to go deeper and to be refined by the Lord in every area of thier life. I was surrounded by friends who knew your mood just by looking at you for a split second or hearing you say hey. The brief amount of time that I spent there has totally transformed my life. I attended the HA as a January intern which has its ups and downs and is pretty much two internships in one. Toward the end of your year you say bye to the people that you love so dearly and say hello to complete strangers and you find yourself completely vulnerable to complete strangers. My life has changed immensely since January 4, 2008 till now. I went to the HA in search of something more and found so much more!!!
I went before the Lord totally broken and completely disconnected. I had a hard heart with a soft cushion. I knew how to wear a mask that made it seem like all was well. I wore it so well I began to believe it for myself. Life was fine... I was content with complacency and apathy. I needed a Daddy and a new heart.
Well I was put into a core whose name was Restoration and our core verse was Ezekial 36:26. Oh man the things that the Lord showed me through that verse are too many to count or explain right now. I found myself completely stripped and alone in the middle of my year. My friends were all gone on vacation or mission trips. Oh how the Lord used isolation.
Will you seek me when you have no one else?
Will you come after me when you are surrounded by your friends?
Will you pursue me when you haven't heard me in 3 months?
Are you desperate for me?
How desperate are you?
Will you listen to me in the wilderness?
Will you let me take your broken heart and give you a new heart?
Will you allow me to mold you into the Proverbs 31 woman that you so long to be?
Will you take what i give you and obey me?
You want my heart? Will you be faithful in the small things?
What will you do when no one else is looking?
Will you step out?
These were just a few of the questions that the Lord asked me in this time. I faced each one with much consideration and chose to chase after a man who had captured my heart, after a man whos face I had never seen. I chose to seek satisfaction in a lover who never fails. I found myself in the arms of a Daddy who would never leave me nor foresake me.
I was blessed with so many friends who had become closer than family in just a few brief months.
I found love and I have chosen to never let go of it! To have joy in all situations. To walk out in faith, even when I don't know why I am doing something. I learned to trust the Lord and the people he had placed in my life.
In the midst of chaos, pain, devastation, hardship, celebration, new life, friends and strangers I have found the greatest love of all and I know so little of it. The more I know the more I see that the less I know.
I am now living outside this enviroment, back where majority of people call life is normal and find myself as a sojourner, much like the apostles. Things continually become more and more real. The scriptures are so encouraging and a wonderful way to live life. I am excited for the next adventure at college.
Sure I miss my friends more than I ever thought possible and I've moved to several different cities in my life and said goodbye to many friends. But these friends are friends that I am living life with. We are connected by our love for the Lord. He has bound us together.
Well thats just a little of what has gone through my mind today....
Life is good... filled with challenges... but I am blessed. :D